Tired today...

So, I have to say that I'm tired today. Well, maybe "sick and tired" is more accurate. I honestly don't understand how some people get along in the world today being incompetent, or cruel, or just out-and-out selfish and self-centered. I honestly just don't get it.

Maybe it's me. I'm grouchy today and I know it. I try, really try, NOT to let my stress and anxiety about the adoption "drama" get to me at work, but lately it's getting harder and harder to keep those two worlds separate. No one at work knows about this, and I'm going to keep it quiet as long as I can - the constant questions about progress would drive me insane and I'm pretty sure I'd have to physically hurt anyone that made a derogatory comment to me about it. It's none of their business and I don't want them to know - at least not now. That being said, there are days when I can get lost in my work and forget, even for a while, about the waiting and worrying and preparation. Today is not one of those days. I find myself constantly thinking about what is going to happen - when am I going to know something? Will this ever be clear cut? What if I make a wrong choice or ruin something that could have been good? Someday will my child resent me for all this? Ugh - the list goes on and on and on.

Quite frankly I don't care to hear all the nonstop gossip going on in the office these days. I don't want to huddle in a corner and talk about that other person. I REALLY don't want to feed into someones ego, just because they think I can. I.... don't.... care.... Plain and simple. I don't care if you like that other person. I don't care if their feelings are going to be hurt because I do this activity with my team and they can't. I don't care that you want to trample over me in your rush to the top. I.... just.... don't.... care. In the grand scheme of things does it all really matter?

Sorry for being so negative today - I just had to vent and get it all out before I exploded. Things will right themselves, I'll get over my crabbiness, and maybe I'll even care that another manager is a big idiot. Just not today. Today I want to think about and plan things outside of team potluck luncheons and team trainings. I'm one of the selfish people today - only thinking about myself - and I don't care. :)