The countdown continues...

So I made it back from Cali safe and sound am now anxiously awaiting news of when I can travel to St. Petersburg. It was two weeks ago today that I officially accepted my referral and it feels like a lifetime. I check e-mail about 1,000 times a day and check for voice mail about the same number of times, hoping and praying that there is news and dates for travel sometime in the near future. I am supposed to be attending a class at the Disney Institute in three weeks and am SO leery of booking everything in case I get "the call."

In the interim I am keeping myself semi-sane by trying to get everything bought and organized. I have a few onesies and pajamas and even a few outfits on top of the bedding, booster seat, and other stuff. My friends and family have also been helping in the sanity department by looking at her picture a million-bajillion times and listening to me go on and on and on... My mom and I are even going to the Frankfort Fall Festival this weekend to see if we can get some cute crafty stuff for little RP - but if anyone has any other suggestions as to how to keep my sanity (and make the waiting time fly!) I'm all ears!

Greetings from sunny California...

I'm writing from my business trip to sunny California, and boy do I mean sunny! :) Yesterday it was around 92 degrees outside and apparently this is "cool" for this time of year out here. I love the heat and the sun so this is truly not bothering me, but apparently I got into something that was shellfish-based since I've been out here and am now dealing with a raging case of hives. Uh yeah, NOT so pretty or fun to deal with when you are supposed to be schmoozing people, and car dealers and sales reps at that. Thank GOD for bangs as the worst of it is all over my forehead which is puzzling and disturbing to say the least. As much as I am enjoying this trip (yep - I said it, I'm kinda having fun and this is for WORK!) I really wish I were traveling for other purposes.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my little girl in Russia and pray for an early trip one so I can go and meet her, hug her, and start lovin' on her - as she deserves. Selfishly I also want to rush over there and start the process so something can't happen and someone else decides to adopt her. I'll admit that I have already started putting the nursery together and am just waiting on the crib to truly call it almost complete. I will also admit that I've had fun picking out a few outfits to have in the closet for her and am crossing my fingers that I have guesstimated correctly on what size she will be when she comes home. Probably not the wisest thing to do, but something I am compelled to do as it really makes me feel as if I'm doing something to move this process along.

Gotta dash off to breakfast and then a whirlwind day of visiting dealerships and meeting with executives at the Fresno Bee to review the progress on my pet project right now. Wish me luck! :)

Just plugging along...

So, now that I have recovered (well, okay - semi-recovered!) from my meltdown the other day I am back in full paperwork mode. My parents were kind enough to sign the support letter and rush it over for notarizing yesterday morning, so I have four new documents (their two letters plus two Power of Attorney documents of my own!) that are now on their way to Springfield for apostilling. For anyone who doesn't know, apostilling is basically a process that the Secretary of State's office does to certify that your notary is really a notary. They look up the notary's information and attach a really official-looking document with a big, bright, shiny seal on it to every page that is notarized. In the state of Illinois this service costs $2 per document, but as I found out the hard way, the state of Wisconsin charges $10 per document, and $35 per document if you need a 1-5 business day turnaround, which of course I do for the guardianship letters my brother and sister-in-law had to sign and have notarized. They have also been fantastic about getting right on getting the letters signed and notarized for me and as of yesterday those letters were on their way to the Secretary of State in Wisconsin for apostilling. While this is all a delightful pain in the a$$, I am thankful that I do not live in a state that requires certification of documents BEFORE the apostille is done! Now I just have to pray that my home study agency, who has already lost documents on me in the past, gets to this ASAP and meets next week's deadline for the documents. I've been in touch with my social worker and hopefully she is on top of it this time; otherwise, the director, who has already had to call me once to apologize for problems, will feel my total wrath!

I'm already anxious to start packing and booking my trip to Russia, although I am in no hurry to spend umpteen hours on an airplane and head off somewhere cold!!! This will truly be an adventure, but one well-worth the effort. The agency told me to expect to travel in 8-12 weeks, and then, if I choose to pursue the adoption, plan on waiting another 8-12 weeks before I can be scheduled to go to court over there and make everything legal. While this does not sound like a long time, putting it into context means that this will not be done, and my little princess will not be coming home with me, for approximately 6 months. Yes - SIX months from now. That makes me sad, and while I'm trying to tell myself that the time will go by very quickly as there is much to be done between now and then, I still can't bear the thought of my little girl spending another night in the orphanage instead of having her home with me...

Wow!

So, as I posted the other day I received a referral on the most beautiful little girl imaginable. The past week has been quite the whirlwind of emotions - amazement, utter excitement and joy, crazy disbelief, and even some anxiety. Am I doing the right thing? Is something going to go wrong? What the HECK am I doing??? And on and on and on.

The doctor reviewed the little Russian Princess's (RP from here on out!) medical information and while there wasn't a lot to see, was cautiously optimistic about it, so I took the plunge and accepted the referral. Woo-hoo!!! This is the day I have been waiting for - what I've wanted for this entire year right? Right? BEST day ever!

Um, yeah - then please explain to me why I had an utter and complete meltdown today. Luckily I was working from home today so my meltdown was in private and not for the world to see, but when I said the word "yes" and then proceeded to review the list of 7,826 documents that are now required I lost... my... mind. While I know everything is being done for a reason and all assurances need to be made to ensure that the children are going to good homes, redoing massive amounts of paperwork, many which literally were only completed weeks ago, makes no sense to me. For the first time in a really long time I lost it. Out and out tears and even hiccups afterwards - full-fledged panic attack.

I am, however, happy to report that I have survived, picked myself up off the bed (thank god for the furbabies who literally were there to snuggle and lick the tears away), completed about 40 pieces of paper, and am renewed again for the challenge.

At least for today...

Cloud Nine...

So you can imagine that I have pretty much been walking on cloud nine since receiving my referral yesterday afternoon. Which, I have to say, is a pretty cool place to be. Problem with Cloud Nine is that for some reason being on Cloud Nine interferes with the ability to sleep, eat (not a biggie for me - I could stand to lose a few pounds), or focus on anything at all - even work. I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear back from the doctor who is evaluating my medical information and just waiting for the green light to call the agency and scream "yes, yes - when can I go????" This, of course, would NOT be a good idea since I am at work and no one at work knows about the adoption. I have looked at her picture a million times already and just can't get those big brown eyes out of my mind - it's like finding a puzzle piece that you thought was lost, but now perfectly completes the masterpiece. I'm also trying NOT to be terrified that something will go terribly wrong and a Russian family will swoop in and decide to make her a member of their family instead.

Yes, I've lost my mind - hopefully I'll find it somewhere on Cloud Nine, sometime soon!!!

It's a GIRLl!!!

I stayed home sick today with a migraine and lo and behold I received a call from my agency letting me know they had a referral for me! I was in utter disbelief and kept telling the coordinator that she must have the wrong person - my file just went to Russia last Friday and today is only Tuesday! She must be used to this because she laughed and told me that no, she had the right person and yes, she DID have a referral for me!

All along I have been prepped to accept a referral of a little boy, so imagine my surprise to find out it's a girl!!! I'm trying not to get TOO excited because a bajillion and one things can still go wrong, but she is honestly just beautiful! I sent her medical information over to University of MN to be evaluated but my heart is already gone. She is a tiny little thing (16 months old) with dark brown hair and huge brown eyes, and I already can't wait to meet her!

Thank you to all of you who have kept me and my family in your prayers - they truly do come true! Please keep us in your prayers until we have my little Russian princess home - I'm still holding my breath to make sure it is all going to work out!

Already getting impatient!

So, as I posted earlier my file went to Russia on Friday. I know it wasn't received by anyone who could do anything at this point - after all, it was going with another family who was travelling over there and no one is certainly going to get a look at it before Monday. Having said that, I am already impatient for news. News about anything. News about when to expect news. Something. Anything. Please???

I also have not heard anything regarding the domestic adoption opportunity either. I'm still working really hard at not getting my hopes up on that opportunity and it's getting harder by the day.

I spent the last couple of days shopping and of course shopping always leads to wandering over and looking at the baby stuff. Mind you, I already have a LOT of the essentials here - including the nursery set (pictured above). I can't wait to actually get the room together and really make all of this planning a reality! Hopefully I'll hear something soon, but until then keep those fingers crossed!!!

Finally - an update!

Woo-hoo - finally news to report! I received a call tonight from my coordinator that they have FINALLY received all of my paperwork and my file is going to Russia on Friday!!! There's still a ton of waiting ahead (like I posted earlier they are reporting an average of a 4 month wait for referrals, and possibly longer for singles... lucky me!) but finally, at long last, there is progress.

What next you ask? Yep - you guessed it - more waiting.... :)

Timing is everything...

So, as you know I periodically check my agency's website to see what the latest and greatest news is that they are publicizing. It's not that I don't trust what they are telling me, it's just that often they are vague in giving time lines due to the fact that they don't want to set unrealistic expectations, which I get and I appreciate. So, here is the latest and greatest from their site:

"Great News! *****'s Russia program is amazing! Many of our families are receiving referrals of boys within 4 months of the complete dossier reaching Russia (singles and other exceptions often take longer). "

Insofar as this is great news, I'm not sure. Four months after taking 6 to complete home study and dossier paperwork is good, but not great (although faster than most I will say - some agencies are saying 9-12). The part that gets me is what I bolded - singles are an exception? Huh? Funny - this NEVER came up in my discussions with my coordinator. Hmmm.... interesting way to put things I guess. My dossier is being prepped and shipped to Russia this month (I'm not exactly sure of the timing but I had to lay down a bunch of money for dossier prep/translation) now that they have received all my documents. Heck - it might actually already BE over there.

Since I'm still waiting to hear back from FOF on the domestic adoption possibility this news doesn't upset me nearly as much as it would have just a month ago. If it does, in fact, take 4 or more months (I have a feeling they are being a bit cautious here as well) then it puts me right in the window to make one decision over another, if the domestic placement does in fact pan out. If.... If.... If....

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Tired today...

So, I have to say that I'm tired today. Well, maybe "sick and tired" is more accurate. I honestly don't understand how some people get along in the world today being incompetent, or cruel, or just out-and-out selfish and self-centered. I honestly just don't get it.

Maybe it's me. I'm grouchy today and I know it. I try, really try, NOT to let my stress and anxiety about the adoption "drama" get to me at work, but lately it's getting harder and harder to keep those two worlds separate. No one at work knows about this, and I'm going to keep it quiet as long as I can - the constant questions about progress would drive me insane and I'm pretty sure I'd have to physically hurt anyone that made a derogatory comment to me about it. It's none of their business and I don't want them to know - at least not now. That being said, there are days when I can get lost in my work and forget, even for a while, about the waiting and worrying and preparation. Today is not one of those days. I find myself constantly thinking about what is going to happen - when am I going to know something? Will this ever be clear cut? What if I make a wrong choice or ruin something that could have been good? Someday will my child resent me for all this? Ugh - the list goes on and on and on.

Quite frankly I don't care to hear all the nonstop gossip going on in the office these days. I don't want to huddle in a corner and talk about that other person. I REALLY don't want to feed into someones ego, just because they think I can. I.... don't.... care.... Plain and simple. I don't care if you like that other person. I don't care if their feelings are going to be hurt because I do this activity with my team and they can't. I don't care that you want to trample over me in your rush to the top. I.... just.... don't.... care. In the grand scheme of things does it all really matter?

Sorry for being so negative today - I just had to vent and get it all out before I exploded. Things will right themselves, I'll get over my crabbiness, and maybe I'll even care that another manager is a big idiot. Just not today. Today I want to think about and plan things outside of team potluck luncheons and team trainings. I'm one of the selfish people today - only thinking about myself - and I don't care. :)

Just some random updates...

Whew! The new template is in place and looks pretty dandy if I do say so myself - finally! It was a lot more work than what I thought it would be, and while it isn't exactly what I was looking for it's a nice change of pace. Unfortunately I can't figure out how to add new posts from that page since it isn't a traditional Blogger template, but it'll do...

Anyhow, nothing still from the agency, which isn't a surprise. I am starting to become concerned with the Secretary of State as it has been almost two weeks since I sent off my notarized copies of my I171-h (which is my official approval from the Department of Homeland Security that I can adopt from abroad - woo hoo!) to get them apostilled, and they STILL have not sent them on to Ohio. Everything else I sent down to Springfield has taken a week, tops, so this is somewhat alarming and I will be PISSED if they lost it and I have to do that whole part of the process over again.

I also heard more about the "domestic" adoption (I now feel the need to differentiate - is anyone else's head spinning... rapidly...). The girl and her mom are torn because they would like to keep the baby, but can't afford to do so and feel guilty about giving her up. She is due right before Christmas but having some complications now, which is adding to their confusion and anxiety. I can't even imagine being in that position and am trying not to push or prod or anything else - just leaving my options open and letting them know, through the FOF that they do have options and I'm happy to meet with them to alleviate any fears or answer any questions they may have.


I guess when all is said and done, I'm truly leaving this one up to God - whatever is meant to be will be. Is it selfish that I'd really just like to know which way this is gonna go? Someday, this will all make a GREAT story..... :)

GRRR...

Now for some reason I can't post comments to my own blog. Really? Not sure why I messed with the template then in the first place! I'm hoping it's because it is my own template but please let me know if you have issues with comments and I'll see what I can do.

New template - what do you think?

Just testing out this new template I picked out this afternoon - hope you like the new look, even if it did delete the pictures of my fur babies!

Out of nowhere...

So I have heard absolutely nothing new from my agency lately on the adoption front - big shocker. I guess I should really be more patient - they did, after all, tell me that it would be some time for the dossier to be translated and process and the best thing I can do it to start to get things for the baby's room ready during this time. So, I've been trying to concentrate on that and enjoy the summer (or whatever season this is - its been a very weird summer!) but I still can't stop being antsy and ready for things to be progressing.

A few weeks ago I posted that a friend of a friend knew of a girl who is pregnant and might be looking to place her child for adoption, but nothing had been decided yet. This friend of a friend (FOF from now on - that's just too long to type!) let the girl's mother know that if she decided to pursue adoption for her baby she knew of someone who was interested in adopting and would provide a loving home, which just melted my heart because like I said, she's just a FOF and not someone I've known for a super long time. Anyway, after that conversation I got excited and nervous all at the same time - what do I do about Russian adoption? Do I drag my feet on paperwork and hope for the best? Plug along and say, "thanks, but no thanks, I have my plans already in motion?" I e-mailed back and forth a few times to the FOF but last I heard was a few weeks ago when I was informed that the mother and her daughter were meeting with the father of the baby and his parents (in case I didn't mention it, these are teenagers) and they would let me know. I dropped it and just continued in my quest for my Russian prince and left everything alone, although every once in a while I almost felt compelled to reach out and just check on the status. I didn't, but I was tempted...

Imagine my surprise when I received an e-mail this morning from the FOF that the girl and her mother ARE still considering adoption, but haven't made up their mind yet. Apparently the father of the baby left the girl for another girl (who is also pregnant by him) and now they don't know what to do. The mom of the girl was asking a bunch of questions about me such as how often do I go to church, would I be raising the baby Catholic, etc. The sad part of this story is that the girl has been in the hospital for the last week with complications, and the mom was letting the FOF know to pass along to me that there would be increased medical expenses due to this extra hospital stay, just in case I was still interested in adopting, if they chose to go that route.

I'm floored. I didn't expect this at all at this point and had pretty much just started planning out a trip (or three!) to Russia, hopefully at some point in the not-too-distant future. I'm not getting my hopes up - it would be nice, but this family really needs to make the decision that is best for them and their baby and my only response, outside of the fact that yes, I go to church and yes, I would raise my baby Catholic, was that if they still had questions and are interested in meeting me I would be open to that at any point in time. I'm also still trying to stay focused on Russia, although I'm starting to get the feeling that both options are going to open up at exactly the same time and I will truly have to make the hardest decision of my life.

Domestic princess (the girl here is pregnant with a girl) or Russian prince (I am almost guaranteed a little boy in Russia) - either way I don't care - whatever is meant to be... I'm just ready to be a mom. :)