Rapidly approaching

February is usually a cold and dreary month for me, but this year I have so much to reflect on and celebrate during the month. A year ago today was my last day of work before FMLA kicked in, and I was a complete basket case as I tried to wrap up all my work responsibilities and pack for being in Russia for two solid weeks, picking up RP and processing her out of the country. My mom and I left for St. Petersburg on Valentine's Day, and while my court date was February 2, RP's official adoption date in February 15. After that we have "Gotcha Day" as February 24, and we FINALLY arrived home on February 27. Whew - I'm tired just thinking about it all! What a whirlwind, and I won't lie that much of February, 2010 is a complete blur to me.

Although it has only been a year, I can't remember (or imagine!) life without her! She drives me crazy some days as she is silly, active, and yes, sassy, but I wouldn't have her any other way. She makes me laugh, she keeps me on my toes, and she absolutely melts my heart, especially when she says something completely loving out of the blue. Last night, for example, after we went through our bedtime ritual of brushing teeth, washing our face, getting a drink of water, saying bedtime prayers, and then reading her story, she followed me to the gate in her door, arms up and jabbering for something pretty insistently. It took me a minute to realize she was saying, " 'nuggle Mommy, one more 'nuggle." Yep, she wanted one more snuggle... which I happily obliged!

Movin' on...

It looks as if RP is really on track to be "movin' on" from diapers/pull-ups, and I couldn't be more excited (or more relieved). After a really rough start to potty training, she has been doing REALLY well with knowing when she needs to potty, then taking care of business. Don't get me wrong, she still has accidents (today she had two of them back-to-back, go figure!) and we still have to use a pull-up if she is going somewhere in the car, going to be somewhere where we can't readily get to a bathroom for her, and at night. I think I am most impressed that today was her first day at pre-school since we started "potty training boot camp" and while she didn't actually use the potty at school, she went in there twice, on her own, to at least try. Yay for small victories! I would love to say that this is all due to me being home with her 24/7 but I think the truth of the matter is that she has developed quite an addiction to M&M's and simply decided this was the easiest way to get her M&M fix on a regular basis. Am I a bad mother because my attitude to this is that I'll take it???

I have also decided that I need to be "movin' on" in terms of my career and came to the conclusion (finally!) that I want to try to go back to school. One of the local universities offers a one-year full-time program that would allow me to have my teaching certificate in hand for the 2012 school year AND graduate with only one course to complete a master's degree. My application goes out in the mail tomorrow and then we'll see if I'm even accepted into the program. Of course, while I'm waiting I am still looking for full-time employment and I really am taking the attitude I took while going through RP's adoption process - whatever is meant to be will be and I need to be open to opportunities and changes as they present themselves.

This all being said, I couldn't be more excited for tomorrow's planned "Mommy Day." RP is spending the day (and then the night!) with her grandparents while I get a TON of things done - eye and doctor's appointments, taking the dogs to the groomer, getting the taxes done - you know, fun stuff. I'll miss my RP terribly but I know she'll have a blast with Nana and Papa and it would be really boring to drag her along to all this stuff, so it's best for her too. However, next time I plan a "Mommy Day" I really want to try for something more relaxing - like a day at the spa... or the beach!

Sick of being sick...

I have to say that **knock on wood** I have been extremely lucky that RP has been so healthy since she came home. A few colds and one sinus infection has been the worst of it, and in almost one year she has had ONE prescription medication which was the goopy pink antibiotic which is a childhood standard.

That being said, about two weeks ago RP came down with a mild case of the flu. She didn't throw up, but was weepy, clingy, and just not her normal cheerful self with some very messy diapers (sorry if that is TMI - I tried to keep it vague!). After she was done with the flu bug, she gave it to me for about 36 hours, and then I gave it to her Nana - y'know, just to keep it in the family! RP has still had a runny nose and congestion but given the sub-zero temperatures and 20+" of snow we had this week, that's to be expected.

Yesterday my throat started killing me something fierce, but I tried to suck it up and deal with it. Today, RP started complaining of a "boo-boo" in her mouth, but after questioning her it seems as if it is her throat and not her mouth, so now I'm fearful we both have strep (yep, it hurts that bad). Looks like a trip to the Quick Care is in our Sunday-morning list of to-do's, which I'm not looking forward to as I'm hoping my insurance stuff is all fully COBRA'd now and there won't be any mix-ups.

It was pitiful to have my little princess crying for me tonight knowing there really wasn't anything I could do for her. I gave her some over the counter ibuprofen and considering she jabbered for an hour after going to bed I don't think she was in enough pain to warrant a trip to the ER, but just seeing her uncomfortable until she fell asleep and knowing there wasn't anything I could do for her felt terrible.

In the midst of all this, RP has decided that she LOVES wearing her new Minnie Mouse underwear and is actually doing really well with potty-training. She's had a few accidents but for the most part is sitting on the potty taking care of business and is oh-so excited with herself when she is done, although I have to say that the first thing she does after leaving the bathroom is beeline for the stash of M&M's and "remind" me that she gets "tree Nem-en-nem's Mommy" and then counts them for me: "eight-nine-two." Yeah, we still have some work to do on the whole counting thing, but hey, she tries!

Hanging in there...

Yes, RP and I survived the great "Snownami of 2011" (or so I've been calling it!), none the worse for the wear. I have a HUGE case of spring fever right now, and if I don't get outside soon, or some warmer weather, I might go postal.

My faith in mankind is renewed as yesterday two guys from the neighborhood - I don't know who they are - magically appeared in my driveway and used their snow blowers to clear out my entire driveway. I would love to have paid them, or made them some baked goods (I'd offer coffee but since I don't drink it, I'm not the best at making it!) but they seemed happy with a smile, a wave, and a hearty "thank you!" I have no idea how much snow we actually got, but I have 5' drifts in some places, with bare ground in others. Good thing RP and I had stocked up on provisions beforehand, as literally everything was shut down yesterday, which NEVER happens in this neck of the woods!

In the hubbub of the snow event yesterday it completely slipped my mind that it was exactly one year ago (yesterday) that I went to court to officially adopt RP. ONE year ago - wow! Officially I have been RP's Mom for one full year, which still makes my head swim since for so long I thought it would never come to fruition. So much has happened over the span of one short little year, and thinking back on it all, I am reminded to never take things for granted, and to always follow your heart as it will truly lead you on the right path. I know mine did!!!

Snowpalooza (or, in other words, the Blizzard of 2011)

We are getting hit with a MASSIVE snow storm tonight and I have been glued to The Weather Channel for practically the last 24 hours (minus the time that RP convinced me that we needed to watch "The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" on the DVR and two fascinating episodes of "Arthur!"). I spent Sunday down for the count with the flu, so RP spent the day with Nana and Papa so I could rest and recuperate, and I have to say that while the physical symptoms of the flu are gone, I still feel completely run down and totally lifeless.

Thank goodness RP didn't get sick (although, now that I think about it, I think I actually got the flu from her. She was fussy and had just awful diapers which I will spare you the details of the previous weekend, and didn't eat well again for almost a week - right before I came down with the flu) but it pained me to ask Nana and Papa to come and get her. It was the right thing to do, but apparently she thought I was coming to pick her up and was saddened/confused by the fact that she spent the night with Nana and Papa and came back home Monday afternoon.

This snowstorm is something like I've never seen before and apparently is on track to be one for the record books. For this reason alone I am thankful to have no where to go tomorrow (RP was supposed to go to pre-school but I checked their website and they have already decided to close tomorrow) but tomorrow is when RP starts potty-training in earnest. It was supposed to be today but I had to run errands this morning to get prepared for being home bound due to the storm and frankly potty-training slipped my mind today - whoops.

For some reason RP, who understands the concept of potty, DETESTS sitting on the potty. Sitting on it. Looking at it. You name it. She was "potty-trained" when she left the orphanage, so I really didn't think this would be a big deal, but it seems that the potty training process was traumatizing before and now she just doesn't want any part of it.

That being said, come tomorrow I'm not sure where the bigger storm is going to be - outside in the blizzard, or in the house with an almost-three year old who wants nothing to do with the potty.

Ugh.

Random ramblings (and observations too)

I'm not sure why it hit me today, but I couldn't help looking at RP and thinking of how much older she seemed, how much taller she had grown, and how the baby features with which she came home had transformed, while I wasn't looking, into toddler features. While I am excited that she is doing so well, it saddens me that she is growing up so quickly. As of yesterday we have been home for 11 months and I honestly cannot remember life before her. Yes, there are times when the terrible twos have me wanting to tear my hair out. Yes, there are times I lose my patience - especially when I hear the word "no" come out of that cute little mouth for the umpteenth time. Yes, there are moments I long to be able to sleep in without hearing a very cute little voice calling "Mommy" down the hall at a time earlier than I would like to get up and start my day. No, I wouldn't give up any of it for anything in the world.

I know I have made some bad choices in my life. I have procrastinated and let some things slip away, or been lazy about some things, whether personal or professional. I have failed - sometimes miserably so - but have always been able to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going - hopefully smarter and savvier for it. That being said, my biggest anxiety these days is failing my daughter. I don't want to make the wrong choices for her. I don't want to procrastinate and let things slip away, as I have realized that time is as precious as family and friends and once you let it slip away you will never get it back again. I don't want to fail RP, let her down, or set a bad example.

Yes, this unemployment thing is getting to me. Three weeks in and I'm no closer to figuring out what I want to do moving forward, or how to get there. This weekend will be spent redoing my resume for the umpteenth time in hopes of getting more of a "bite" on job opportunities. While I REALLY don't want to go back and do what I had been doing (did I stress "really" in that sentence...) I am finding myself unsure and uncertain of how to successfully make the career transition that I am dying to make. My fear is that I will be sucked back in to a job that pays well, but that I will continue to be unhappy in, therefore not always willing and able to put my best foot forward. As such, what sort of message am I sending my daughter, and what type of role model will I be.

I'm pretty sure all of these thoughts, fears, and anxieties are what caused me to spend some time today just watching RP as she played and went about her day, and why I noticed how much older she seems. In a few short weeks we'll be celebrating our one year "Gotcha Day" and she has flourished during this time. As she continues to grow up I want to be able to encourage her to follow her passions and her beliefs, wherever they may lead her, and as such I need to be able to find the courage, conviction, and ability to do so myself.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - sometimes being a grown-up sucks...

**Shudder**

I just finished watching the news report on TV about the suicide bomber in Moscow today and I have to say that I STILL have the chills. The suicide bombing took place at the airport we flew into from St. Petersburg, and flew out of to Zurich. It was just 11 months ago that we flew in and out of that airport and it just makes me sick that someone could do that - kill and wound hundreds of innocent people - and you can't help but think about the fact that on any given day it could have been YOU. Last year we flew into St. Petersburg the week after a terrorist attack took place on the train that ran from St. Petersburg to Moscow (which, I won't lie, is one of MANY reasons that I wanted to fly and not take the train between the two cities), and now this. My agency posted that all EAC families were safe and accounted for, which is comforting to say the least, and for the millionth time I am thankful that my little RP is snuggled up in the next room and that our journey to finding one another is complete. I would be a complete basket case if I had to travel (or was in the process of traveling) during this chaos...