True confessions...

With all the chaos surrounding getting ready to go on vacation, I've been pretty stressed lately, although I try pretty hard to hide it. That being said, I figured a few "true confessions" might be good for the soul and might take some of the stress of, so here it goes...

* True confession #1: I like being a stay-at-home mom. I never thought I would, but I have to say I'm enjoying this time with RP and marvel every day at something she says, does, or has learned. Some of my favorite moments with her are when she experiences something new and lets out an amazed, "Wooooowwwwww...."

* True confession #2: Being home all the time is starting to drive me crazy. Yes, this is a complete contradiction to True Confession #1, but it's true. There are times I miss the adult interaction, and I also sometimes fear that my being home with RP all the time has led to her relying solely on me not only as a parent but as a playmate. She doesn't have as much time with other kids these days as she did when I was working, and I am afraid that this could potentially derail all the social development that was progressing while I was at work.

* True confession #3: My house is a disaster area - quite literally. For some weird reason my house was cleaner and more organized when I worked full time and was gone 12-13 hours a day five days a week. Could this be because I wasn't home much to make a mess? Maybe, but there are still two dogs and one cat living here for whom life really has NOT changed while I've been out of work. As posted in True Confession #2 I think part of this is because I have become RP's sole source of entertainment, and it's hard for me to get anything cleaned while she is either begging me to play with her, or pulling out 500 toys at a time with which she keeps herself entertained.

True confession #4: I am both looking forward to, and dreading, this vacation. Don't get me wrong - I am TOTALLY excited about our visit to the "Happiest Place on Earth." I have wanted to share it with my own child for YEARS now. My dread comes in because over the last couple of weeks I have been having awful nightmares of RP being abducted while we are on vacation, and it is causing me to be completely paranoid about letting her out of my sight for a second while we are there. I don't want to become a completely paranoid, overprotective parent, and I'm not sure what is causing the nightmares, but they are driving me crazy, and I'm hoping it doesn't impact our trip.

Yes, those are the biggies, for which I am TRYING to put in place the following resolution:

* Enjoy each moment with RP while I can. I will either be going back to work or back to school shortly and I know I'll regret it if I waste this time that I have, as there are no "do-overs" with this kind of opportunity.

* Finalize plans to either go back to work (aka - finally complete the quest to find a new job!) or go back to school, and start to plan for life accordingly.

* Actually follow-through on my "clean one room per night" plan after RP is asleep for the evening.

* Stop worrying and enjoy life, and especially this vacation! Who knows if we will ever be able to take a vacation like this as a family again, so I really need to stop the worrying and just start enjoying...