After a crazy hectic holiday season I was kind of looking forward to mellowing out in the new year, enjoying RP, and starting to look for a new job, closer to home and without the crazy commute (let alone the crazy politics at the office). However, when I started to formulate those thoughts in my head, I had no idea that some of that was already in the works, and that 2011 would literally start off with a "BANG" for me... and not in a good way.
I was off for the holidays until January 3, which happened to be one day after my 4-year anniversary with my employer. While things at work had gone from ridiculous to worse, I was doing my best to toe the company line, play the "game" (so to speak), and keep my head above water until I could find something else. In the last 12 months my employer required me to "check-in" during FMLA (aka - work, which equated to 10-20 hours per week while I was off... and unpaid), change my work hours and make me feel horribly guilty if I couldn't attend some after work party with sales (I was read the riot act for not attending a Dave and Buster's event which happened to be the same night as RP's Christmas program - my boss actually had the audacity to point out to me that HE left for his son's program, then went back downtown for the party. Let me point out that his son is about 10-12 years old and he lives about 30 minutes closer to the city than I do... OH, and has a wife AND an ex-wife to help care for his kids), AND tell me that effective January 1 I would be taking a 15% pay cut on my annual salary, and a 5% decrease on my bonus potential. I was pissed to say the least, and several times broke down in the office and/or on the train crying, and I'm pretty sure none of this helped the panic attacks I was starting to have that I told almost no one about, my stomach issues which had flared up once again in the last 3 months, or the sleep apnea which I was recently diagnosed with, but wasn't able to take the time off to see the doctor to actually GET the CPAP machine I am supposed to have.
Sorry, that was long. Clearly I am still pissed. Considering the fact that on January 4th I was "relieved" of my current position, I think I have every right to be. Yep, that's right - on January 4 around 2:30 in the afternoon I was called into a meeting with my boss, only to find that the meeting was actually with HR and I was told that although they have no real reason as to why, I was being laid off. The experience was both maddening and humiliating, especially since there was no reason behind it - just, "thanks but no thanks" and that was it. In hindsight, the signs were all there and I chose to believe that if I played the game along with everyone else I could salvage what was left of my career there until I could find something else.
That being said, while I am still having panic attacks about how I'm going to pay for things, and what I'm going to do for a job, there is a sense of relief in no longer having to deal with the games and *bs* that had become my life over the last year. Do I think they discriminated against me because I took FMLA, not once but twice in 2.5 years? Yes. Do I think they discriminated against me because I was a single mom who lived in the 'burbs and wouldn't/couldn't devote 12-15 hours a day to massaging the ego of the VP? Absolutely. Do I think I'll be happier in the long run, and stronger for having gone through this? Indeed.
I have been through so much over the last few years and I've said time and time again that I can't believe how truly fantastic my support system is in my family and friends, and this time was no exception. I have been talking for a LONG time about wanted to teach/train again, but didn't realize exactly HOW much I talked about it until I started receiving all the e-mails and phone calls of support from everyone, and almost every single one said something along the lines of "maybe now you can go back and get that teaching degree you always talked about." So, while I'm actively looking for a job (hopefully back in the training profession!) I've also renewed my substitute teaching certificate and am gathering all my transcripts so I can talk to a few colleges about what it would take to get my teaching degree.
I don't know what the rest of 2011 is going to hold, but it certainly is starting off on an interesting note. Thanks (for the umpteenth time!) to my family and friends, who truly are the most loving, supportive, and amazing people in the world - RP and I don't know what we'd do, or where we'd be, without you!
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