Three months to the day...

Three months ago today I brought my baby back to the US. I can hardly believe it has ONLY been three months since she came home - it seems as if she has been in my life forever, and that is a great feeling.

In a relatively short period of time, RP has experienced many "firsts:"

• first airplane ride (she has now been on three, and logged about 10,000 miles before her second birthday)
• first hotel stay (Radisson in Moscow - it was absolutely beautiful!)
• first visit to a restaurant (also at the Radisson in Moscow)
• first word (Mama - of course!)
• first time in a car riding in a car seat (coming home from the airport - can you believe car seats are only suggested in Russia, and most families don't use them?)
• first time owning anything (clothes, toys, everything was communal in the orphanage)
• first time seeing and playing with a real dog
• first time seeing and petting a real cat (and subsequently first time being bitten by a cat - Cassie isn't much for playing)
• first Easter celebration, and first exposure to the Easter bunny
• first time celebrating her birthday with presents and a cake
• first time going to the zoo
• first party!
• first play date
• first kisses and snuggles
• first time going to "school"
• first haircut in a real salon!
• first time swimming (meaning the first time wearing a bathing suit!)

and the most important one:

• FIRST TIME BEING PART OF A FAMILY

Even on the days that things haven't gone smoothly, meltdowns have ensued, and tears have fallen, at the end of every night I thank God for the blessings he has given to me. I don't know why or how I was chosen to become RP's Mommy, but I am thankful each and every day for the opportunity, and am looking forward to the next three months (and beyond...) with my beautiful little Russian princess!

Ahh, memories

So, RP and I have settled into a pretty consistent routine and things are going well. Mondays and Fridays she goes to daycare (aka "school") and Tuesday-Thursday she spends the day with Grandma and Papa. All in all RP is a very lucky little girl - both with her grandparents and at school she is snuggled, loved, and pretty much the center of attention (to this end I think her tiny size helps in that everyone at daycare just wants to hold and snuggle her like a baby, and not necessarily like the fiercely independent toddler she has truly become). The highlight of my day, every single day, is when I walk into the room after a long day at work and her face lights up and she runs into my arms to give me the biggest "squeeze" (our family's name for hugs thanks to my brother and sister-in-law - and I love it!!!) ever. Of course, after that, she tests me to no end - pulls off socks and shoes in the car, tests to see how loud she can truly get before Mommy gets mad, and constantly replies, "NO!" to everything I ask her to do, until she gets home and falls asleep, to repeat the entire process again.

At work today one of my reps was very excited to tell me that she is going to be an aunt, and I naively assumed that her sister-in-law was pregnant. Come to find out her brother and sister-in-law are adopting from Columbia and they received their referral information yesterday - a beautiful little boy! She showed me his picture today and I immediately got all misty-eyed because I immediately had a flashback to the day I received RP's referral information - the happiest, yet hardest, day of my life up until that point. Happy for obvious reasons but hard because I couldn't immediately go and get her, scoop her up, bring her home, and make her part of my family. I hadn't looked at RP's referral pictures for a while but thought I would post them, along with a more recent photo, as I'm still amazed at the difference in a relatively short period of time:

Referral photos (received August 11, 2009)

RP on her baptismal day (April 25, 2010):

I know I am not impartial in the least, but to me she looks so much happier and more relaxed, and that makes my heart happy . . .

Sick baby

I came home last night to a sick little girl, and it absolutely broke my heart. If there IS anything good about a sick child, it's that she still seemed as rowdy and energetic as ever - apparently my child is the "1 out of xxx" that gets hyper when she gets sick instead of getting all mopey/whiny. She was wound tight last night and didn't get to sleep until well after 9, and was thereafter up hourly, with the longest stint occurring between 2-3 when she just would not (or could not!) fall back to sleep.

Needless to say, 5:45 came VERY early for her this morning, and I even hit the snooze button a few times before scrambling out of bed and hurrying to get ready to run out the door. RP is always a trooper in the morning, but her facade crumbled pretty easily today and she was in tears by the time we got to the hallway in her daycare, and full-fledged sobbing by the time we got to her classroom. My heart literally broke when I handed her over to the teacher and she was crying but trying so hard to be brave as she said, "bye-bye" while tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were so heavy due to being sick and being oh-so-tired.

The joys of motherhood... sometimes suck. :(

Back at work - day 2

Yes, I'm counting the days I've been back at work. Weird, but somehow it helps me get through the day (well, that and the fact that I have turned my desk/workspace into a shrine to my child!), as does counting the hours I've been here (4) and the number of hours I have left until I can leave (4.5).

RP was such a brave little trooper yesterday - she spent almost 11.5 hours at daycare and apparently (from all reports) did REALLY well. She started crying when I got to daycare, probably because she was tired, overwhelmed, and hungry, and she was super excited to put on her coat, grab her Princess backpack, and wheel that thing on out the door, yelling "bye-bye" to everyone she came across along the way. The daycare people LOVE her and tell me everyday how sweet and wonderful she is, which is truly both a blessing and heartbreaking to hear - heartbreaking in that I selfishly want to soak up that sweetness and wonderfulness all to myself! She jumped in the car with me and was beyond excited that we were going to pick up McDonald's for dinner, and seriously chowed down when we got home - she ate more than I did for dinner, and for someone so tiny I'm always in awe of where she puts it all!!! We lingered over dinner, then headed upstairs for a bath, brushing of teeth, and a quick story before the day was over. That said, I think I spent a total of 2 hours and 20 minutes with my child yesterday, and that TRULY breaks my heart...

RP wasn't so eager to get up and get going this morning, but the good news was that she got to go to Grandma and Papa's which meant only a quick diaper change, teeth brushing, and a Flintstone vitamin before we headed out the door so she got to sleep in a little AND she apparently went right back to bed once I left her with Grandma (Mommy was smart and packed her clothes and just took her in her jammies this morning - she looked so comfortable that I was jealous!). She was crabby and clingy, especially when I went to leave her with Grandma this morning, but as of the last e-mail report I received she was playing happily, and most likely getting spoiled rotten, so all is well.

This working Mom thing is going to take some serious adjustment, but I'm trying, and it helps to know that the people who are caring for my child while I am gone are doing such a fantastic job. I miss her like crazy and cherish each moment with her, probably a little bit more than I did last week just because I don't take them for granted now. That being said, I still need to win that lottery...

Back to work

Yes, the day I have dreaded for three months has come and I am 80% of the way through it - my first day back at work. The day started VERY early, with me rising at 5:15 a.m. to get ready and getting RP up at 5:45. My droopy little baby could barely keep her eyes open, but I discovered that the benefit to rising her so early is that I don't have to chase her around for 15 minutes trying to get her diaper changed and dressed - she pretty much passes out on the diaper pad and let's me take care of business!

We arrived at daycare about 8 minutes early so we drove around until exactly 6:30 at which time my little RP grabbed her Princess backpack and strolled up to the door like a real big girl! This was short-lived, however, in that 2 minutes later she was crying for me to hold her and hanging on for dear life as I told her "bye-bye" and handed her to the Center Director. THAT was the hardest thing I've had to do yet.

In all the commotion I completely forgot about checking her in, so I called about 30 minutes later to do so and heard that after about 5-10 minutes of crying she jumped down and was busy exploring all the other kids and the Preschool room, so all was well. I have fought the urge all day to call again and check, and now am counting down the minutes until I can leave and go scoop up my little Princess.

I really need to win the lottery, because this sucks.... :(

Playing catch-up

So, in my defense I have attempted to post once before - I actually spent 45 minutes typing up all the details of RP's 2nd birthday, party planning, and 7 and 8 week milestones at home, only to discover the next day that my post disappeared. Crap. Sigh. Moving on...

As of yesterday RP has been home for 9 glorious weeks, which is awesome. I am in awe of her every day and am still trying to reconcile the spunky little girl in front of me with the angry and withdrawn child I met in St. Petersburg. She has grown 1.25 inches since she has been home and is just shy of 22 pounds. Her hair is growing like crazy and her big brown eyes twinkle when she's giggling, and when she's about to try something she knows she isn't supposed to do (little stinker! :) ). She still isn't on the charts for growth but the doctor keeps telling me she is completely healthy and not to worry - she'll either catch up, or she might just be naturally tiny.

This time is bittersweet for me because 9 weeks home means that I have only one week left of my leave of absence before returning to work - and the thought of doing so is killing me. I am terrified that my little girl has not truly attached to me and that moving her on to daycare twice a week and babysitting with Grandma and Papa three days a week is going to create major attachment and emotional issues as we move forward. I have no basis for this fear other than I think it's a fear that every adoptive parent has, especially international adoptive parents as this is drilled into your head from the very beginning of the process.

Outside of her Mommy's hopefully irrational fears, RP seems to be thriving. She is growing and developing and every day seems to bring forth a new word to her vocabulary, a new task she can complete, or a new discovery she has made. Last weekend we celebrated her adoption, her birthday, and her baptism with a big party for family and friends and she seemed to love being around all the people and the attention they lavished on her, and she had a ball playing with the kids who were here. RP is truly where she belongs - home with her Mommy and family and friends who love her like crazy... and no matter what happens, we'll get through it (although I'm pretty sure I am going to have a harder time with the next transition than she will)... :)