Five months ago today

It seems like a lifetime ago, but five months ago TODAY I stepped off the plane with my little RP. The trek from Russia to the US had us traveling for 18 some-odd hours through Switzerland, and my little RP screamed the majority of the way. I was tired, overwhelmed, and even a bit frightened of what was to come and could not imagine what life would be like once we were settled in - and I kept asking myself, "did I do the right thing - for her and for me?"

It hasn't been easy but I can say without a single doubt that "YES" I did the right thing. RP has blossomed from a seemingly distant, almost angry child (definitely very timid) to a lovable little goofball who loves to run, play, climb, and read stories. She is into everything and sometimes drives me bonkers with her incessant need to be on the go, but when she wraps those chubby little arms around my neck and squeezes tight, then plants a kiss on my lips, all of that goes out the window.

It has been the longest, yet the shortest five months of my life - and I've loved every minute of it!

RP and a friend at his birthday party over the weekend - her first American birthday party (not counting her own!). She had a blast and even though she was half the size of the other kids in the jumpy, once she tried it out she LOVED it - I had a hard time getting her out when it was time to go and enjoy some cupcakes with the birthday boy!

The terrible two's (and other random updates)

When I last posted we were getting ready for the 4th of July and I am happy to say that RP absolutely LOVED the fireworks! She "ooo'd" and "ahhh'd" over a lot of them, although, truth be told, she was so tired at that point that she pretty much remained motionless in my arms during most of the display!

We had our 6-month post-placement social worker visit and it seems to have gone well, although I'm not really sure what I should be expecting of those visits. I go crazy cleaning the house and making sure that RP is dressed cutely and refrains from ripping the bow from her hair until AFTER the social worker leaves, only for her to sit in my kitchen for about 20 minutes, ask me how things are going, take notes on what I tell her, and then leaves. Oh yeah, I also have to provide a dozen or so random photos of RP (alone and with family) to attach to the report - considering I've now taken almost 2000 photos of my little RP the pictures aren't a problem, I just don't get how this is different from the monthly reports I give to the agency, which also include photos. Hmmm...

It seems that after that visit from the social worker the terrible two's kicked into high gear. RP has become increasingly "sassy" (I say that based on tone, since much of what she is sassing about I still can't understand) and throws absolute fits when she doesn't get her way. The past three nights she has gone absolutely crazy at bedtime - screaming, crying, biting herself, hitting at me, shaking the bars of the crib, you name it - as she is insistent that she needs to sleep in Mommy's bed. We have never co-slept so I'm not sure where this is coming from, and I'm starting to wonder if this is a sign that she is ready to move into a big-girl bed. I can say that I am not ready for that move, as I like the security of her still being in the crib, especially with the tantrums that have occurred this week! While the bulk of her terrible "two-ness" has occurred at night, she has certainly been testing her boundaries during the day as well - sassiness, throwing toys or not listening to directions until I start the dreaded counting (she is usually pretty good about listening by the time I get to "2" but I'm already tired of doing it!), and most recently spitting at school and hitting another child because he had the car on the playground that she wanted to play with.

When she ISN'T in the throes of her terrible two's, RP is doing fantastically at home - she, for the most part, is a sweet little girl who loves to laugh, play outside (especially in the water!), and adores her Papa and puppies. While I am treasuring every moment of her being so little, I am more than ready for this "phase" to be over!!!

The Road to my Russian Princess

Hope you enjoy the pictures from my adoption journey!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

First Fourth of July!

I can hardly believe that is is already July 1st - where has the time gone? We are gearing up for RP's first fourth of July, and it's looking like it's going to be a pretty low-key celebration. All the crazies in my neighborhood come out and party like there's no tomorrow (literally - it drives me beyond crazy!) so we'll be headed over to Grandma and Papa's house for some peace and quiet! RP is still too little to understand what the Fourth of July really is, but I'm hoping that she is able to stay awake for the fireworks, and I can't wait to see her reaction (hopefully she loves them!).

We have now officially spent four full months at home and things are getting better every day, although I still worry incessantly about attachment. Is she truly attached to me? Does she understand how much I love her? These are truly questions that wake me up in the middle of the night, and I don't know why. This morning when I dropped her off at daycare RP's "teacher" was there so I chatted with her for a few minutes to see how she was doing, and once again got rave reviews. She is eating more everyday she is there, sleeps fantastically, and is more vocal every day. Apparently, though, there are a few times during every day where she starts to cry and call for "Mommy" which just breaks my heart, but I'm trying not to dwell on it and focus on the fact that she is happy and well-adjusted.

Almost sixteen weeks home

Yes, I have been a complete slacker when it comes to updating my blog - I guess I truly had more time while I was waiting for this process to be over, and now my waking moments are spent either at work, or with my little RP.

Things are going well, if I do say so myself. RP has adjusted fabulously and is getting bigger and more vocal every day. Everyone who has known her from the time she came home can't believe the difference in her - she's like a whole new child: happy, chatty, and full of mischief like any normal two-year old. Those who know that she is adopted but have just recently met her can't believe that she hasn't been here all her life.

I am asked the question, "Was it worth it?" a LOT. While it annoys me (kinda like overhearing the person who, in the office, said that there wasn't any reason to do a shower for me because I just adopted my child), I can certainly understand why the question is being asked. This question is usually followed by, "Would you do it again?" The answers are as follows:

• YES, it was worth it. Through all the paperwork, running around, waiting, redoing paperwork, expense, travel, uncertainty, and delays I now have the child whom I truly believe was born to be my daughter, and born to be a part of my family - it just happens that she was born on the other side of the world. She is my world and my life and I do not regret a minute of the process, especially when I hear her call for "Mommy!" or have her give me a big sloppy kiss and huge bear hug. You will never hear me say otherwise, even on days when "the terrible two's" kick in and there are temper tantrums (hers and mine!), tears, and frustration. She IS my child.
• MAYBE I would do it again - adopt, that is. Would I go to Russia again? No. Not that I don't appreciate the country and the amazing gift I received from there. It's weird and sounds semi-cliche, but even when I was going through in-vitro, and probably even before then, I somehow knew that my family would be created through adoption, and that my child was going to be from Russia. Just knew it - not sure how, but I looked into adopting from either Russia or Guatemala several years ago, before the fertility specialists and before the hysterectomy. I just knew in my gut that my child was going to be from another country, and deep, deep down I knew it was going to be Russia. That being said, I am quite happy with RP being an only-child, but if the opportunity to adopt domestically came up, either through knowing someone or through a foster-situation I would not be opposed to looking into it further. I just am not physically, mentally, or financially able to do international adoption again. RP is truly going to be my one and only Russian Princess!

Like I said, not much to update - RP is doing fantastically and I am in constant amazement as to how she has grown and developed over the last 15.5 weeks (it'll be 16 weeks on Saturday - wow!). Her grasp of understanding the English language is fantastic, she is babbling more and more English words (we're up to about 40-50 now, with more added on every day), and she is running, climbing, and jumping on everything. Most of all she is settled, happy, and comfortable in her family and with our friends, and that's all I could have ever asked for!

Three months to the day...

Three months ago today I brought my baby back to the US. I can hardly believe it has ONLY been three months since she came home - it seems as if she has been in my life forever, and that is a great feeling.

In a relatively short period of time, RP has experienced many "firsts:"

• first airplane ride (she has now been on three, and logged about 10,000 miles before her second birthday)
• first hotel stay (Radisson in Moscow - it was absolutely beautiful!)
• first visit to a restaurant (also at the Radisson in Moscow)
• first word (Mama - of course!)
• first time in a car riding in a car seat (coming home from the airport - can you believe car seats are only suggested in Russia, and most families don't use them?)
• first time owning anything (clothes, toys, everything was communal in the orphanage)
• first time seeing and playing with a real dog
• first time seeing and petting a real cat (and subsequently first time being bitten by a cat - Cassie isn't much for playing)
• first Easter celebration, and first exposure to the Easter bunny
• first time celebrating her birthday with presents and a cake
• first time going to the zoo
• first party!
• first play date
• first kisses and snuggles
• first time going to "school"
• first haircut in a real salon!
• first time swimming (meaning the first time wearing a bathing suit!)

and the most important one:

• FIRST TIME BEING PART OF A FAMILY

Even on the days that things haven't gone smoothly, meltdowns have ensued, and tears have fallen, at the end of every night I thank God for the blessings he has given to me. I don't know why or how I was chosen to become RP's Mommy, but I am thankful each and every day for the opportunity, and am looking forward to the next three months (and beyond...) with my beautiful little Russian princess!

Ahh, memories

So, RP and I have settled into a pretty consistent routine and things are going well. Mondays and Fridays she goes to daycare (aka "school") and Tuesday-Thursday she spends the day with Grandma and Papa. All in all RP is a very lucky little girl - both with her grandparents and at school she is snuggled, loved, and pretty much the center of attention (to this end I think her tiny size helps in that everyone at daycare just wants to hold and snuggle her like a baby, and not necessarily like the fiercely independent toddler she has truly become). The highlight of my day, every single day, is when I walk into the room after a long day at work and her face lights up and she runs into my arms to give me the biggest "squeeze" (our family's name for hugs thanks to my brother and sister-in-law - and I love it!!!) ever. Of course, after that, she tests me to no end - pulls off socks and shoes in the car, tests to see how loud she can truly get before Mommy gets mad, and constantly replies, "NO!" to everything I ask her to do, until she gets home and falls asleep, to repeat the entire process again.

At work today one of my reps was very excited to tell me that she is going to be an aunt, and I naively assumed that her sister-in-law was pregnant. Come to find out her brother and sister-in-law are adopting from Columbia and they received their referral information yesterday - a beautiful little boy! She showed me his picture today and I immediately got all misty-eyed because I immediately had a flashback to the day I received RP's referral information - the happiest, yet hardest, day of my life up until that point. Happy for obvious reasons but hard because I couldn't immediately go and get her, scoop her up, bring her home, and make her part of my family. I hadn't looked at RP's referral pictures for a while but thought I would post them, along with a more recent photo, as I'm still amazed at the difference in a relatively short period of time:

Referral photos (received August 11, 2009)

RP on her baptismal day (April 25, 2010):

I know I am not impartial in the least, but to me she looks so much happier and more relaxed, and that makes my heart happy . . .