More random photos from the second visit

Have I mentioned how much I love my agency? How much I love the coordinators I have worked with there? My Russian coordinator (Svetlana1 - yes, there were two Svetlanas!) sent me all the instructions for preparing for court yesterday, but as a bonus she included some photos of our second visit with RP (the first visit she let me touch her without screaming bloody murder!), so I have included a couple more of my faves below:

Does her face not scream "I don't THINK so lady?!?!?!"

She seemed much better here - as long as we were walking and I let her lead the way she was fine with me, and actually started to relax a bit!

Time for a quick photo, then back to walking before she started to cry again. Poor little thing - she really had no idea what was going on, and all things considered she was a real trooper since we took her away from playing with her friends to spend time with us on the playground.

I can't wait to go back and see my little RP again. Her room is ready, the puppies are thrilled to be getting a baby sister (which I judge by their ever-wagging tails when I ask them if they are ready for a baby sister) and my family and I are BEYOND excited to finally be nearing the point where we can bring her home.... Hopefully they'll be more photos of her smiling and laughing instead of glaring at the camera here soon!

Pregnancy brain?

So, I guess my first question is whether or not you can even GET "pregnancy brain" without physically being pregnant? No offense to my pregnant (or formerly pregnant!) friends, but my understanding of pregnancy brain is that you become very forgetful, scatterbrained, or just out of it on some level, which is pretty much what I have going on right about now.

I spent Friday night filling out dual-entry visa applications for my mom and I to fill out and sign, so we could get them Fed-Ex'd out straight away today. Filled out the forms, my mom signed hers before our big shopping excursion on Saturday, and I was content knowing that everything would be sent out first thing this morning.

I kept hearing rumblings on the train on Friday, and seeing people posting things about "three day weekends" on Facebook, but it honestly wasn't until YESTERDAY that I realized that MLK day was today. Uh, hello - MLK day equates into banks being closed, which also equates into no way possible for Teri to go and get that money order for the visas that was required for the package to go out. Okay, no biggie - I'll grab the cash out of an ATM and find a scary Currency Exchange to get the money order (figuring if I could manage a Currency Exchange in St. Petersburg I could CERTAINLY handle one in Chicago, right???).

Problem number two comes in that you have to send your passports, along with the money orders, and along with the visa applications, in order to have them processed. YEP - you guessed it - I left my passports, safely locked up in the lockbox at home. AARRGGHHH - I am SO frustrated with myself right now - we are cutting this right down to the wire, and we'll have just a little over a week to get our visas AND let's not forget that I still don't have my FBI fingerprint clearance back yet.

The good news??? Two weeks from today I'll be seeing my little RP again. I can't wait. :)

Frustrated!!!

So, I called the Customer Service department for the FBI this morning (which, by the way, still weirds me out!) and after speaking with a MOST unpleasant girl (unlike the guy I spoke to the first time) I am beyond frustrated with this process!

First off, the girl talked to me like I'm an idiot. I spelled my name for her THREE TIMES and she kept asking me, "Are you sure?" Uh... yeah - I'm pretty sure I know how to spell my.own.name.

Then she told me they didn't have it. Um - I don't think so, since I called on December 23 and the guy I talked to was not only able to find it, but also able to tell me that it was in process. Please check again.

Oh.... yeah, we have it. But it's not done. It's only been SEVEN WEEKS. It takes anywhere from eight to ten to process. You knew this, right?

Yes, I knew this - from the first time I called. I let her know that all the paperwork I received, one of the documents which is from the FBI itself, says that this process takes four to five weeks. As we've already determined, it's been SEVEN. She acknowledges this and tells me that it USED to take four-five weeks, but now they are so busy it takes eight to ten.

I let her know that I am waiting for a call to go to Russia to go to court any day now and I REALLY need this done, and despite my reddened face and palpitating heart, I ask her nicely if there is anything she can do to flag it or put a rush on it. As you may have already guessed, the answer was "no." Not just "no," but "no I can't - call us back in two weeks if you haven't heard anything yet."

I usually keep my opinions about our government to myself but this is ludicrous. Not to open up a sensitive subject, but this is exactly why government-run health care is a bad idea - if this were a pre-surgical consult I was waiting on, life or death, I would be dead before the government was able to make any decision and get back to me! I realize this is apples-to-oranges, but to me this IS life and death, and the apathy of the girl I talked to set the tone (and my mood) for the entire day.

Guess I'll keep waiting, and hope that I get this back before I have to call these people back again. I'm pretty sure if a third phone call becomes necessary I might not pass this background check after all...

Quickly approaching six weeks...

So we're not there yet, but two days from now will mark six weeks of waiting for court. While I am working VERY hard on remaining an eternal optimist, this date is a bit bittersweet for me because when I left Russia my coordinator told me she was hopeful that I'd be back in six weeks for court. Which would be THIS.WEEK.

My little RP is blissfully unaware that I am over here, pining for her - and as weird as it sounds, that makes me happy. Happy for her because her life is going on as usual as she is too young to truly understand what is about to happen to her. The people that we met at the orphanage truly appear to care for the children and do their best to ensure the happiness of the little ones, and in the midst of all the excitement and anticipation of her finally coming home with me, I do feel badly for ripping her away from that love and care, away from the only home she has ever known.

I am hoping to hear any day now of my impending court date and am anxious to make that day and a half trip again. Of course, I STILL don't have my FBI fingerprint clearance and I desperately need that before I can go to court, so I guess everything happens for a reason. Timing is everything. (insert your favorite, appropriate, cliche here!) However, I can't WAIT to be holding my little RP, once and for all, and begin our new adventure in life. Together.

Five weeks, no word yet...

I can hardly believe it, but it's been FIVE WEEKS since my mom and I left Russia to come back here and start the waiting game all over again. Five weeks - wow. The coordinators over there said to anticipate a wait of no less than six weeks, and hopefully now that the Russian holidays are coming to an end, maybe we'll hear something soon. Considering the fact that we are having blizzard-like conditions today and United and American had already cancelled a number of their flights by 6:30 this morning (you learn a LOT when you are up at 5 a.m. to shovel snow!) I guess it's a good thing we weren't trying to leave today, or even this weekend. Also considering the fact that I don't have my background check back from the FBI, I would be a wreck right about now if I were trying to leave.

Still, I miss my little RP terribly and can't wait to go over there and make everything "official." I have started telling people at work (the more gossipy ones are at the end of the week - I am going to need extra-strength Tylenol to get me through those discussions - well, that or vodka. Lots of vodka.) and the reactions make me chuckle. My supervisors were all very excited and nice about it - and truly surprised and amazed that I kept such a big undertaking secret for as long as I did. I told a colleague (not a close one) yesterday in a meeting because I am trying to get some communications issues cleared up between our teams before I am out on my leave, and she didn't bat an eye - no congratulations, "are you nuts?," nothing. I am not entirely sure she understood what I was talking about/getting at, but it was still pretty awkward. People are funny - and I guess that was my first taste of someone finding out and not being happy for me, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last. Sad, but true.

So from here we'll keep waiting and hoping for a quick court date and an even faster 10-day waiting period to go by so I can bring my little RP home once and for all. Until then, we'll just keep waiting... :)

New Year, New Adventures

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone had an incredible holiday, and that 2010 holds nothing but good for everyone! I, for one, am beyond excited at the prospects this new year, and new decade hold. Hopefully very soon the waiting will be over and RP will be home, for good.

2010 is a new beginning, but also an end. An end to being a "family of one" (aka - bachelorette!). An end to waiting for my little princess. An end to the endless amounts of paperwork that had consumed the better part of 2009. An end to red tape, frustrations, and impatience that had ALSO consumed a great deal of 2009.

2010 is the new beginning I have been longing for. A new beginning with my little family. A new beginning as a Mommy, when I am sure to make mistakes, am sure to be confused, but hopefully never fully fail. Most importantly, a new beginning for RP, who will hopefully be home for Easter this year, or at least her 2nd birthday.

The 2009 holiday festivities are over, but hopefully that does not end the good news and glad tidings that are in store - the best is truly yet to come!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

More of "The Waiting Game"

That's right - nothing new to post here... again. The only saving grace to this is the fact that I still do not have my super-secret FBI fingerprint clearance back, and when I called last week to find out why (since I was told 3-4 weeks and it had been 4 weeks) I talked to a very friendly customer service rep at the FBI (that's right - the FBI has a Customer Service Department - who knew? I think I just found my next job!) who told me that the process actually takes 8-10 weeks, and that while they try to do them more quickly for adoptions, there was no guarantee. He confirmed that my request was "in process" but couldn't give me any more information than that. As I have said to many of you, after all this I should have higher security clearances than Obama - wow!!

I miss my little RP something fierce and now that her room is ready, clothes are bought and in the closet, stroller and car seat are ready to go, and toy box is assembled, I have run out of things to keep me busy and am going stir crazy right about now. I am hoping and praying that she is warm, safe, and happy, and that she has a great holiday at the orphanage, while also keeping my fingers crossed that once the Russian holidays are over I get a swift court date and am able to bring my little RP home sometime in February!!!

One week waiting...

Yes, we are back to the waiting game. Today marks one week that I've been back in the US, without my little RP. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for an early court date and am hoping to hear something soon about how long the wait truly may be. I've been trying to keep busy with shopping for RP (as well as the holidays - whoops! almost forgot about that little task!), who now has a growing wardrobe in her room, just waiting to be washed and broken in by her!

The car seat has also arrived and now I am fretting about how it is going to fit in the car. Hmmm... maybe a convertible with a small child isn't such a great idea, but it's just going to have to do for now, and at some point soon I am going to need to order the stroller and toy box I have picked out, and make a decision as to whether or not I need to get a changing table (she is potty trained right now, but everything I have heard and read says that she most likely will regress when she leaves the orphanage).

I keep wondering what she is doing, what she is thinking, and what it will be like to go back. It is definitely going to take baby steps to get her to open up, relax, and trust me, and the agency has said to start small and make sure to keep her external stimulations small at first since she is obviously overwhelmed by a lot of new things and new people at once. I'm just ready to move on and move forward - the wait has already gone on too long and she deserves to be home with her family - hopefully it won't be much longer now. :)

The squeaky wheel...

It has often been said that "the squeaky wheel gets the oil." Now, you may be asking yourself if I have completely lost my mind, or WHAT that has to do with me, or with this adoption. I have decided that in order to get some answers, I need to be that squeaky wheel - the one who is demanding some attention and a resolution. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being patient. I am tired of wondering. Yes, I'm just plain tired.

So I e-mailed the agency - again. Asked again if they had heard anything. And of course I received the "we haven't heard anything, but we'll let you know if we do - just hang in there!" response. Again. We have now met the 8-12 week threshold and still no end in sight. No plans to visit RP, let alone move the process along. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled beyond belief that in the last two weeks I have found a new picture of her AND received more information as to how she is doing. I have been assured that they are working on getting me travel dates and they haven't forgotten me. Yet, at this point, it's still not enough. I need to plan for going. I need to know that this all WILL happen and that she will come home... with me... soon.

Sorry for venting - and thanks to each of you who keep reading this and reassuring me that it will all work out and be over before we know it. My family and friends are my lifeline and my saviors right now and I appreciate them more and more each and every day (and can't wait to make RP a part of their lives too!)!!! :)

Nesting...

Yes, you read that right - nesting. I spent the entire day (okay, okay - ALMOST the entire day!) cleaning today. I was like a woman possessed - had to get some "spring cleaning" done, even though it's November. I have always heard of pregnant women nesting right before they had their babies, but I don't know if it is necessarily a phenomenon for pre-adoptive mothers, but I am going to guess that it can happen...

I still don't have travel dates yet and Monday will be the start of the 13th week of waiting. **sigh** I figured I would be traveling by now, and to be still waiting on dates is working my very last nerve. On the plus side I DID receive information this week from the referral team regarding RP. I had asked for development milestones at the request of the IA doctor when I first accepted the referral of her, but I never heard back. This week I received the following information regarding my little RP:

* She can stand unassisted
* She can play with toys
* She understands simple instructions
* She smiles
* She babbles, says simple words.
* The girl shows good progress, developmentally she is almost on track(very small delay due to her stay in the orphanage). They say she is smart, likes attention , open to contact, gets along well with children.

Not exactly the development milestone information I was looking for, but I was thrilled to hear this nonetheless. Hopefully travel dates will be coming soon - I am about to burst from the anticipation!!!

Still no news...

I e-mailed my coordinator on Monday and after several technical hiccups getting that e-mail to go through, I still have no news on travel dates. I try to convince myself that the long part of waiting is over and that I can/should expect travel dates any day now but it is getting harder and harder to believe in that. "I want what I want when I want it" is coming out - in full force - right about now and traveling is pretty much ALL I think about anymore (which doesn't bode well for day-to-day stuff, like work!).

Hopefully I'll hear back from my coordinator soon, and hopefully it will be good news (as in travel dates!). The one positive is finding RP's updated photo on the database for waiting children - at least I have a new picture to pine over while I'm waiting, and I now have two pictures of her (one a baby picture when she was an infant and another, more recent, photo) along with her referral pictures for her baby book which yes, I have already started (thanks Jen!).

Thank you to each and every one of you for putting up with me and showing me tons of love and support during this process - you will never know just how much it means to me! :)

Week Twelve...

So we are two days into week twelve at this point and I keep thinking to myself that it can't be much longer, right? We have to hear something soon. Soon enough we will be jetting off to a land far, far away and it will be magical. Right?

Yes, this reminds me of a fairy tale, of a princess in a distant land struggling for someone to rescue her, to go home, and most importantly live happily ever after. I LOVED those stories when I was growing up and am still searching for that happily ever after, but not for myself. For RP. This entire process is about her - about bringing her home to a family that longs to hold her, love her, and give her all of the best in lift that they possibly can.

However, all fairy tales have villains, and for the life of me in this story I can't find one. It certainly isn't her birth mother who made the choice to place her for adoption in the hopes of giving her a loving family and all that she could not. It isn't the people working in the orphanage, doing the best they can to meet the needs of the children residing there. Nor are the agency people the villains in this story - they are working hard to unite these children to their forever families from tens of thousands of miles away. I have to believe it also isn't me (although those of you who know me know that I do have my moments!) or my family who truly want the best for our dark-eyed, beautiful little RP. So, can you have a fairy tale without the villain?

All in all we keep waiting here - waiting for our happily ever after...

And now, for the response

So, I received a very prompt reply to my e-mail to the Referral Department, which read as follows:

Hi Teri!
I haven't herd anything. I will check with the coordinator and let you know if I hear anything back. I know it is very slow in St. Pete for a first trip. Hang in there and we will talk to you soon!
Take care,
xxxxx

Not what I was hoping for, but hopefully she checks with the coordinator in St. Pete and comes back with good news. I'm trying NOT to focus on the blatant misspelling of "heard" (alright, so it isn't misspelled per se, she just used the wrong spelling of the word for the context in which it was used...)

I'll keep you posted!

I caved...

... and e-mailed the Referral department to see if they either had travel dates for me, or knew about when I could expect them. It has been over nine and a half weeks and this wait is literally causing me to go a bit nutty (okay, okay - a bit nuttier than usual!)! I don't expect to hear anything other than, "we're still waiting and will let you know when we hear something" but at least I feel like I did something to move the process along. Y'all know me and the fact that I am NOT a patient person, so it is pretty remarkable that I've let it coast along for this long without checking.

Keep your fingers crossed for news - and hopefully good news at that!

Working on week nine

Yes, that's right - EIGHT WEEKS have now gone by and still I have no travel dates for trip one. Being sick has made this a good thing, but now that two whole months have gone by and we are two days into week nine's wait, I'm ready for some good news and more importantly, some travel dates. RP is growing older by the day and I am sad to think of everything I am missing of hers - first steps, first words, cutting teeth, learning new things. Most of all, she needs her family - to know that she is wanted and loved, and to feel secure in her future. I am quite certain that she is receiving good care in the orphanage - as good of care as one can receive in an institutional setting anyway. I try to look at every day that goes by as one day closer to bringing her home instead of one day longer I've had to wait, but I'm ready. Now. In my heart of hearts, I'm pretty sure she is too...

Under the weather...

So it is probably a good thing that I am not yet traveling to meet little RP as I have been deathly ill since last Saturday. Two trips to the doctor later I am the proud owner of two antibiotics, cough syrup with codeine, and steroids and STILL I feel crappy. He diagnosed me with a sinus infection, respiratory infection, AND bronchitis (while not ruling out walking pneumonia - go figure!) which is odd because when I went in I really thought I had either the flu, food poisoning, or appendicitis (yep - that pesky side pain is back and the good news about having the surgery last December is that I know for sure it is NOT ovarian cysts!). I am pretty convinced that the doctor that treated me in the Quik Care graduated last in his class in medical school - nice enough, but a bit of a quack.

The bonus to this random, yet lingering, illness is that it occured now, stateside, and not while I am in a foreign country where I don't speak the language (and am not entirely confident that I am covered by Blue Cross/Blue Shield!). NOTHING is going to get in the way of my enjoying my visit to meet my baby girl and with all the drugs I am currently on I should have a clean bill of health when I get ready to go.

Thank god for unanswered prayers, right?

Seven weeks... and counting

Yes, that's right - seven weeks have gone by since I accepted the referral of my beautiful RP and still, no travel dates for Trip 1. At this point waiting is almost becoming second nature, and one would think that a procrastinator such as myself wouldn't mind it, but every day I look at those four precious photos of my beautiful little girl and grow more and more anxious for the day I can hold her, squeeze her, and finally . . . bring her home. It seems as if that day will never come.

My agency coordinator called this evening and at this point I don't even get my hopes up when I see the familiar (440) phone number pop up on my phone. She is awesome and now always sounds apologetic when she calls, saying, "I don't have any news for you - just want to check in and see how you're doing." We made small talk for a couple of minutes and she tells me to just hang on, that this region is slow but steady, and reassures me that my day WILL come. I trust her implicitly, which is odd considering I have never met her, but she has yet to steer me wrong, so I keep holding on to that hope. She let me know not to expect travel dates until probably late November, which just sounds SOOO far away. Hopefully those dates will come sooner than later, and in the interim, I'll just keep waiting!!!

Completed six weeks of waiting!

I know it's been a while since I posted, and for that I apologize. I was in Florida last week (alright, I was in Disney World last week!) for a training class and just didn't have time, or internet access, to update while I was there.

First off, six weeks of waiting are down and we are now working on week seven. While it's nice to be on the downward slope of a possible 12 week wait, this is getting harder by the day, let alone by the week. I'm really ready for that call that tells me to go ahead and pack my bags and am tired of wondering when it will come.

Being in Disney last week was hard because of, you guessed it, all the families that were there. It was pretty apparent that some of the families I saw were created through adoption, and that made me hopeful for what's to come, but it was also hard to be surrounded by so many happy families enjoying the wonder that is "Disney magic" when I know that my little girl is in an orphanage halfway around the world, waiting for me. I also found myself wishing for my family - parents, brother and sister-in-law, niece, and nephews to be there with me as well, as I know they would have LOVED it.

It had been 13 years since I had last been to Orlando and I can't wait to go back, and share all the wonder with my own little girl - someday (soon!)!!!

Getting antsy...

Now, I know I posted only a couple of days ago that I was trying to be patient and that I KNOW things will happen when they happen, and for a reason, but for some reason the waiting is absolutely killing me this week. I think it's by-and-large because I am gearing up to travel again next week and I SO wish it were to Russia. Yes, I know I'm headed to "the happiest place on Earth!" but I still wish it were Russia. We are now officially 4.5 weeks into this wait and I'm not sure how much longer my patience will hold out.

I want to hold my sweet RP as soon as possible, snuggle her, and let her know that I love her, and to finally bring her home to her family. NOT being in control and NOT being able to do that is pure and utter torture. At this point I'm not sure how other parents have survived this wait, let alone how some have done this multiple times.

So if you see me and I either lapse into tears or I bite your head off, PLEASE don't take it personally. I don't mean to and I certainly don't want to. I'm trying to contain the stress and channel it positively but please bear with me... as we all know patience is NOT one of my virtues!!! :)

Damned message boards!

So, I know better than to check the message boards on the state of international adoption, but I do so anyway. Religiously. It's like a compulsion now - I can't help myself. For the most part I've been able to look at the boards and say, "Wow - my timelines are WAY faster than some of the people on here." Which makes me feel fantastic about the agency I chose and sad for those who have been waiting much, much longer than me for a referral - any referral.

Then why did I get upset when looking at the boards today only to see that people are traveling anywhere from 2-5 weeks after they received their referral? For me, that would have been THIS WEEK! My coordinator told me to expect to wait the full 12-weeks and so far everything she said has been spot-on, or even earlier, but now that I have seen that beautiful face and those fantastic eyes the wait is harder than ever. I want to hug my baby girl, snuggle her and let her know that someone cares and that she is part of a family, a family that cannot wait for her to come home.

Even my seven-year old nephew is excited! He asked my mom a few weeks ago, "When is Aunt Teri going to bring her baby girl home?" While he doesn't understand the ins and outs yet, he understands family and will be a FANTASTIC cousin to my little one, which only makes me even more sad.

Time will hopefully fly-by and I'll be in St. Petersburg before long, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. Please join me in praying that this will be the case! :)