Four years old already?

So, this past weekend we celebrated RP's fourth birthday. I can hardly believe my baby is already four years old! Every day I am noticing that she is less and less my little baby, and more and more a true "little girl." Her chubby cheeks and hands are giving way to a heart-shaped face and skinny little hands and legs. She is talking up a storm, and asking "Why?" about a million times a day, and she definitely has developed her own little personality - outgoing all the time, borderline sassy some of the time, and totally lovable!

The birthday weekend started Friday at 6:30 a.m. when a little finger poked me and said, "Mommy, I need to get up now. I'm too 'cited to s'eep!" RP knew her birthday party was scheduled for school that day, and lucky for me there was no dawdling in getting ready to go - she was up and at 'em, and zipped through our morning routine so she could jet over to school for the day!

While she was partying it up at school, I was running around like a crazy person getting last minute food, decorations, and beverages for the party, then had to head back to school for a 4:30 parent-teacher conference (RP is doing wonderfully and is among the top in her class - go figure!). After school I took RP for Mommy-'n-me pedicures where she had her toes painted a delightful shade of blue, and alternated between being excited to be there, and moaning that Mommy's toes were taking too long!

Saturday was a frenzy of activity in getting the puppies boarded, finishing cleaning, decorating, and food preparation, and before I knew it the first guests were at the door. Parties are always bittersweet for me because I love having everyone over, but there is so much to do that I always feel like I never truly get to talk to anyone, and I felt this way on Saturday. The kids all seemed to have a good time, judging by the amount of noise and toys on the floor, and the fact that RP crashed so hard after the party that I undressed her for bed and brushed out her hair and she never so much as fluttered an eyelash, so I hope the adults felt the same way (good time, not passing out cold!).

Sunday was another bright and early day as we headed to RP's ballet class, then left for RP's final "secret surprise" which was an overnight trip to Key Lime Cove (in keeping with our beach-themed birthday). We picked up Nana and Papa and headed north for almost 24 hours of fun at the waterpark, and we were not disappointed! RP is a little water baby and had a blast splashing around the pools and braved waterslides that made bigger kids cry! Even Mommy got in on the fun - I have never been so wet or so bruised in my life but I have to admit, we had fun!

Today was RP's first day in several that there hasn't been a celebration in her honor, and she took it in stride. We headed off to gymnastics class where I was impressed as to how much she has learned since the last time I saw her class, then had lunch out, and ended up at RP's four-year physical where she had to have one shot, which left her sore, grumpy, and terrified of doctors (yet again!). After the doctor's office we went for ice cream, which redeemed her faith in humanity (and especially Mommy), and all was right with the world again.

I can't believe my baby is four, and that in less than a year I will be planning her fifth birthday party! How can we slow down time - it's going by MUCH too fast for my liking!

RP celebrates turning two!

RP celebrates turning three!

RP celebrates turning four!

A Day at the Aquarium

Since Uncle C and her cousins were on Spring Break this week, RP was invited (along with Nana and Papa) to head into the city to visit the aquarium today. I should mention I was invited as well, but couldn't take the day off as I'm taking a few off already in a couple of weeks for RP's birthday, and it was tough to not be able to experience this with RP, as we have never been to the aquarium before (well, I have, but she had not).

It was also tough for me to truly let go and let RP head into a big, metropolitan city without me. It's not that I don't trust Nana and Papa, it's just one of those things. RP was truly excited about her upcoming adventure "to see the fishies," so much so that I worried about her wandering away or getting snatched away while in among the crowds. I gave Nana and Papa the stroller and her monkey backpack and knew that she would be alright, and most of all, that she would have a BALL.

I wasn't let down. The grin on her face when she saw me tonight and her animated descriptions of what she saw and did today was priceless, as was her death-grip on her new stuffed shark. She loved the penguins, the dolphins, and the whale and apparently was enthralled with the "Happy Feet 3D" presentation they had playing in one of the theaters. Bedtime tonight was a nightmare due to her incessant chattering of how her day went, and filling in the details as she recalled them - and it was so much fun for me to hear her re-live an experience she so clearly enjoyed, and while I still do hate having to miss out, I know that this won't be the last time it happens, and its good to know that she is so happy to share those details with me.

Now if only I could get her to provide this same level of detail when I ask how school is, I'd be set. As it is, the response is usually, "I don't know," which then requires me to almost yank teeth to get any sort of answer out of her...

Catching up the last month

I like to believe I was WAY better at keeping this blog up to date when I wasn't working, but I don't think that would be quite accurate to say, but I feel like I am falling farther and farther behind. I just checked back and realized that my last post was on February 24 - our two-year gotcha day. WOW! Seems like a lifetime ago! I can't believe how quickly March has gone by, and that in just a few short days we'll already be into April!

RP continues to keep me hoppin' (no almost-Easter time pun intended!). She started ice skating lessons a few weeks ago and absolutely LOVES them! I have to say I'm a pretty proud Mommy since she was able to get up, stand, and walk around on the skates from the very first moment I put them on her feet, and she is one of only a couple kids in her class that can actually walk/march/glide on the ice in them. In addition to her absolutely loving this class, I have found this to be an effective discipline tool as well, as she would do almost anything to ensure that she can go to class on Saturday, including being an absolute angel at pre-school every single day! Her pre-school teacher actually pointed out that while RP is usually pretty good at school (well, except for the day she peed all over the floor, which is another story for another day!) that her recent behavior has been absolutely remarkable, and she laughed out loud when I told her simply that it was because I remind RP every morning that if she cannot behave in pre-school, she cannot ice skate on the weekends...

In a few short weeks RP will be turning four, and every time I look at her I marvel at just how far she has come. She is losing her chubby baby face and is looking more like a "little girl" than a toddler every day. Her vocabulary continues to increase and amaze me, and I really need to watch what I'm saying in front of her, since she especially likes to repeat the "naughty" words she hears me say (recently, "pissed" is her favorite one - go figure!). I know she is going to need speech therapy and plan on asking the doctor for the testing referral at her four-year check-up next month, but she is happy, healthy, and oh-so active, and I couldn't ask for more. Okay, I lie - sometimes, just sometimes, a few minutes of quiet would be nice - over the weekend I actually told her that she needed to stop with the questions for five minutes because Mommy's ears were bleeding, to which she responded "Why?" and proceeded to look inside my ears and say, "These aren't bleeding Mommy. Why did you think they were bleeding? Where would the bleeding come from?" You get the idea...

Our second "Gotcha Day!"

I can hardly believe it has been two years since I packed my suitcase for the last time in St. Petersburg and headed to Baby Home #1, also for the last time. Two years ago today I walked through the doors of that Baby Home with my arms full of clothes for RP, and less than 5 minutes later a scared, squirming little girl was thrust in my arms, and we were on our way to the airport where we would catch a flight to Moscow.

Where has the time gone? I honestly didn't know what to expect when I walked through those doors, proudly carrying my little girl on that cold February day. Although the courts had deemed it so 10 days earlier, I was officially a "Mommy" on that day... and scared to death. What did I know about raising a child? Was this the right thing to do for her? For me? How would she handle the flight to Moscow, and a mere three days later, to the United States?

RP did pretty well on the flight - well, the first half of it anyway. Then she screamed - and boy did she have lungs! I held on tightly, trying everything I could to calm her down and comfort her, but nothing worked. She hated being confined to anything - a seat, a room, anything (as we would soon learn at the hotel) - and was only content when she was walking around. She LOVED to walk, and actually still does, and walking the halls of the hotel was the only way to keep her from crying.

I remember landing in Moscow and calling the driver to come and pick us up. The orphanage had told me that RP had been running a fever the night before and seemed to have a "tummy ailment" so they gave me a blanket and a glass bottle with boiled water in it for her in case he tummy started to hurt again, and these two items have become treasured keepsakes for me, as they are the only two items we have of hers from her life in the orphanage. Turns out I would need BOTH of these items as RP became overheated on our very long trek to the hotel from the airport and proceeded to puke all over the driver's brand new, blinged-out Lincoln Navigator! Yes, this also means she puked all over herself and all over me, so thank goodness for Tide travel which allowed me to wash everything in the tub at the hotel once we finally arrived!

RP's big day ended with a bath, during which she sat in the tub, staring at me with big, blank eyes, as if wondering what else was possibly going to happen to her. It was clear she was scared out of her mind, and she almost refused to blink as she stared at everything going on around her. She went rigid during hugs and kisses, and seemed almost relieved to be placed in her crib for the night, sucking her thumb and rubbing the sheets between her fingers. It was only then that I cried - cried, and prayed to God for the little girl in the crib who was terrified, and didn't realize all the love that was around her.

Fast forward to today. RP is a smart, happy, and healthy little girl. She gives and receives affection willingly and knows that she is the center of the universe to a family who loves and adores her. She is active, going to preschool two days a week, and taking gymnastics, ballet, and as of tomorrow, ice skating lessons, and she makes friends easily. These are the days I dreamed of when I was going through the process of adopting her, and if I had to do it all over again I would in a heartbeat, as these have been the best two years of my life!

Happy Gotcha Day my little Russian Princess!

Offensive

I'll be the first to admit that I like a good joke now and then, and that there are times when I think that this world has gotten crazy-sensitive over the need to be "politically correct" all the time. Perhaps that is why I was so caught off-guard with my personal response to this cartoon that an acquaintance posted on Facebook:

Harmless, right? I mean, c'mon, what is offensive about cute little babies? I will tell you what - the "punch line" to this little "joke." Being adopted isn't a punch line. It isn't funny. It shouldn't be used as a derogatory term, an attempt to cut someone down or make fun of them. In short, it isn't funny.

As the parent of an adopted child I can tell you first hand that adoption is the most LOVING thing a parent can do for their child. No, I don't know RP's birth mother, and most likely never will. I do, however, know that she carried her baby full term, and took good care of her while she was in-vitro as RP was born completely healthy. She made the decision to place her daughter for adoption in order to ensure that her child received a life that she simply couldn't give her. She very easily could have had an abortion, or kept her into god knows what kind of life... but she didn't. I can only imagine the pain she went through when having to say good-bye to the child she cared for and nurtured within her own body, knowing full-well that she most likely would never see her again.

I know this because it has to be very similar to the pain I went through when trying to conceive a biological child. I knew in my heart of hearts that my family would be made not through giving birth to a child from my womb, but by opening my heart to adoption. I just knew - long before I even thought about the fertility treatments. Yet I went through them - five times. Each time was more difficult than the previous - stronger drugs, more labs, greater pressure for the process to finally work, and deeper devastation when it didn't. I think I cried enough tears to fill almost ALL of the Great Lakes, and then some. Each time the process failed, I felt that I died a little with those embryos - after all, they were my DNA, they were my "flesh and blood." It still hurts today - just as deeply as it did back then. The problem is, very few people will "let" you grieve for that loss. If you haven't experienced it, you wouldn't understand it. Oh, everyone meant well - cheery "you can try again next month" greetings and promises of prayers always accompanied the loss, and I truly appreciated them all. It just wasn't meant to be.

Deciding to adopt was difficult - not because I didn't want to be a mom, but because it meant putting my heart on the line again and risking more loss. I knew if I went through the process I would adopt internationally, and again, my inner heart knew for years that my child was waiting for me in Russia. I knew the risks of adopting a child from Russia - fetal alcohol syndrome, reactive attachment disorder, and scads of other potential problems and complications - and making this decision would open my heart back up to loss and disappointment, and I honestly wasn't sure that my barely mended heart could take more heartache.

I began the process scared, overwhelmed, and extremely guarded. I dragged my feet on the Home Study initially because I needed to rethink my decision. There were probably a thousand times during the process that I almost backed out, afraid that I couldn't go through with it. Yet I soldiered on, and the day I received RP's picture and information was the first time I truly let my heart open up to this process. I looked into her big, scared brown eyes and KNEW she was my daughter. I just knew. I also knew that even though I had never met her I would give my life for her a hundred times over and move mountains to bring her home and make her my family.

During the process some days seemed like an eternity, and others flew by before I could even blink. I don't remember much about the six months that went by while I was waiting to meet RP, waiting for my court date, then waiting to bring her home. One would think that with all that waiting I would remember LOTS of it - but I don't. I could only hold on for one more day, knowing that I was one day closer to having my daughter in my life forever. That thought kept me moving forward day after day after day, until it finally became a reality. I can't remember my life before RP, nor can I fathom life without her.

RP knows she is adopted. She knows she is from Russia. She knows she was born from her birth mama's tummy, and that she came home with Mommy and Nana on a big airplane from Russia, crying the whole time. She will never get to share a scrapbook of her ultrasound picture, newborn pictures in the hospital with proud family and friends vying for the chance to hold her, or remember blowing out the birthday candles on her first birthday. I have one very grainy picture of her as an infant, age unknown, that I pulled off the Russian database, four pictures of her at 16-months old, and then the pictures from our trips to the orphanage to see her, and finally bring her home. I dread the first school project that requires she share a family tree or bring in baby pictures because we don't have them - and I know kids can be cruel. I want her to know and understand how much she was loved and is loved by BOTH her mamas, and I want her to be proud of her heritage. I want her to be proud of her adoption and be able to speak freely to it.

Why is it that people can proudly say, "I adopted my pet from an animal shelter" or "Our company adopted this stretch of highway to keep clean in our community" but yet find it funny to use the adoption of a person as the punchline of a joke? I know I'm being too sensitive - I do. Yet my heart aches. I don't know why this touched a nerve, but it did, as evidenced by the tears that continue to stream down my face just thinking about it. I'm proud to say I adopted my little girl, and one day I hope she can say she is proud too - proud of her Russian mama who gave her the opportunity for a new life in a new family, and proud of her American mama who moved mountains to make her dream a reality, and while she isn't the perfect mama, she is perfectly happy being RP's mama.

(Belated) Happy New Year!

As I am writing this I can hardly believe that the holidays have come and gone. As we complete the first full week of January I still have the tree up, gifts to put away, and thank you cards to write, and I am falling farther and farther behind. Today I am making a valiant effort to get the ball rolling, and spent over an hour cleaning and reorganizing RP's room in order to accommodate all the new "stuff" she received for Christmas! I am trying to get rid of some of her baby toys in this process as well, but she is having a harder time letting go of them than I am (go figure!).

Christmas with the family was a fantastic four-day adventure of eating, opening presents, and spending quality time with family and friends. RP was apparently a VERY good girl this year, and the "fruits of her labor" are ALL over this house - inside and out! A new bike, outside playhouse, and roller skates were among her many outside toy gifts, and she received dolls, clothes, books, games, and lots of other nice stuff for inside. Santa was unable to accommodate her request for Rafiki and the hyenas from "The Lion King," but made up for it by bringing her a Batman doll, superhero cape, and a construction workbench complete with battery-operated tools! Yes, my "princess" is very much a little tomboy and alternates from being a princess to a superhero to a rock star on any given day!

I'm still not sure where all RP's "loot" is going to go, but I need to get this house back in order FAST because the social worker is coming on the 17th for our two-year post placement visit. WOW. Where has time gone? Has it really already been almost two years, and has it only been two years that RP has been in my life? While I remember the process of the adoption in almost painstaking detail (the good and the bad!) I can hardly remember a time when RP wasn't THE major part of my life.

I hope everyone reading this had an enjoyable holiday and is geared up for an exciting 2012 - I know I am!!!

2011: A Year In Retrospect

I can hardly believe that Christmas has come and gone, and that 4 days from now we will be in 2012. Where has the time gone? As I was reflecting on this during my drive home tonight (with a 90 minute commute I have a LOT of time to reflect!) I couldn't help but remember the following about this year:

1.) RP hit some MAJOR milestones. She turned three in April, started pre-school (in earnest) in June, began taking gymnastics and ballet lessons, participated n her first pageant, and last (but certainly not least!), was FINALLY potty trained! Her speech has improved dramatically and she now knows her ABCs, can count, and is beginning to learn to read and write. What happened to my baby???

2.) Our mega-family vacation to Disney World! Despite crappy weather and large crowds, the kids had a blast, and I'll admit I did too. I'm not sure when, if ever, we will ALL be able to take a vacation like this again, and it was enjoyable to share it with RP, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and my niece and nephews! I was worried about taking RP on a plane ride after our experience flying back from Moscow, but it couldn't have gone smoother - we literally sat down in our seats, she snuggled in and promptly fell asleep until we reached our destination - both there AND back. Now WHY didn't that happen on those international flights?!?!?!

3.) RP's first road trip. We drove to northern Wisconsin for a few days to get away, and so RP could finally meet her extended family of cousins, aunts, and uncles. She was a trooper on the 6-hour car ride, crying only the last 20 minutes or so because she was ready to be done in the car, and we both had a fantastic time visiting family and enjoying the new scenery.

4.) Multiple career changes. I started the year as the Customer Service Manager for an online marketing company, and was promptly laid off as of January 4 (nice of them to allow me to "celebrate" my four-year anniversary with the comapny on January 3rd). Despite some rough goings ever since I returned from my adoption leave for RP, I was still shocked. I was miserable in that job, but it paid the bills, and suddenly I was faced with having to make do on unemployment while I looked for a job. That task was daunting, and I cannot even begin to count the number of resumes I sent out, but I finally went back to work in September more than eight months as a stay-at-home mom. My new official title is Sales Training Specialist, and I was thrilled to be back in training - I just wish my job were actually a little more training and a little less babysitting the sales reps. I am not, however, complaining - everyone I work with is really nice and I'm grateful to be back to work, despite taking a HUGE paycut in accepting this position (but yes, it's better than "living on the system!").

5.) I'm an aunt again! Baby AS joined older siblings AC, EG, AB, and IJ in late October, and it's exciting to have a tiny munchkin in the family again. Does it make me want another child? Hmmm.... yes and no. I love RP to pieces and would do every bit of the process again for her, but I am not financially able to do a Russian adoption again, and I would worry that what little time I feel like I am able to spend with RP would have to be split between two, and I'm not sure that would be fair to either of them. If the opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't turn it away, but RP most likely will be an only child - good thing she has GOBS of cousins to play with!

6.) I turned the big 4-0. Yes, it's still hard to write, let alone talk about. How did I get so damned old? Some days I feel every bit of 40 (and then some) and others I can hardly believe it. 40 IS the new 30... right?

7.) Another furbaby enters the menagerie. RP convinced me that she just HAD to get a kitten after Nana got her new kitten late this summer, so we adopted Chloe, a beautiful and sweet calico kitty, in early September. This new addition now brings our household to one Mommy, one RP, one betta fish (Nemo), two dogs, and two cats! It's crazy around here, and I often tell people that if we try to add one more animal to this place I will need a petting zoo license to do so, but it works for us. And no, there will be NO more animals any time soon...

When put to paper, 2011 was a pretty good year. Yes, there were certainly ups and downs, but all in all RP and I were very blessed this year. I hope 2012 is good as well, not just for us, but for all our family and friends, who are the biggest blessings we have in this life. Happy New Year one and all!