I came home last night to a sick little girl, and it absolutely broke my heart. If there IS anything good about a sick child, it's that she still seemed as rowdy and energetic as ever - apparently my child is the "1 out of xxx" that gets hyper when she gets sick instead of getting all mopey/whiny. She was wound tight last night and didn't get to sleep until well after 9, and was thereafter up hourly, with the longest stint occurring between 2-3 when she just would not (or could not!) fall back to sleep.
Needless to say, 5:45 came VERY early for her this morning, and I even hit the snooze button a few times before scrambling out of bed and hurrying to get ready to run out the door. RP is always a trooper in the morning, but her facade crumbled pretty easily today and she was in tears by the time we got to the hallway in her daycare, and full-fledged sobbing by the time we got to her classroom. My heart literally broke when I handed her over to the teacher and she was crying but trying so hard to be brave as she said, "bye-bye" while tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were so heavy due to being sick and being oh-so-tired.
The joys of motherhood... sometimes suck. :(
Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Back at work - day 2
Yes, I'm counting the days I've been back at work. Weird, but somehow it helps me get through the day (well, that and the fact that I have turned my desk/workspace into a shrine to my child!), as does counting the hours I've been here (4) and the number of hours I have left until I can leave (4.5).
RP was such a brave little trooper yesterday - she spent almost 11.5 hours at daycare and apparently (from all reports) did REALLY well. She started crying when I got to daycare, probably because she was tired, overwhelmed, and hungry, and she was super excited to put on her coat, grab her Princess backpack, and wheel that thing on out the door, yelling "bye-bye" to everyone she came across along the way. The daycare people LOVE her and tell me everyday how sweet and wonderful she is, which is truly both a blessing and heartbreaking to hear - heartbreaking in that I selfishly want to soak up that sweetness and wonderfulness all to myself! She jumped in the car with me and was beyond excited that we were going to pick up McDonald's for dinner, and seriously chowed down when we got home - she ate more than I did for dinner, and for someone so tiny I'm always in awe of where she puts it all!!! We lingered over dinner, then headed upstairs for a bath, brushing of teeth, and a quick story before the day was over. That said, I think I spent a total of 2 hours and 20 minutes with my child yesterday, and that TRULY breaks my heart...
RP wasn't so eager to get up and get going this morning, but the good news was that she got to go to Grandma and Papa's which meant only a quick diaper change, teeth brushing, and a Flintstone vitamin before we headed out the door so she got to sleep in a little AND she apparently went right back to bed once I left her with Grandma (Mommy was smart and packed her clothes and just took her in her jammies this morning - she looked so comfortable that I was jealous!). She was crabby and clingy, especially when I went to leave her with Grandma this morning, but as of the last e-mail report I received she was playing happily, and most likely getting spoiled rotten, so all is well.
This working Mom thing is going to take some serious adjustment, but I'm trying, and it helps to know that the people who are caring for my child while I am gone are doing such a fantastic job. I miss her like crazy and cherish each moment with her, probably a little bit more than I did last week just because I don't take them for granted now. That being said, I still need to win that lottery...
RP was such a brave little trooper yesterday - she spent almost 11.5 hours at daycare and apparently (from all reports) did REALLY well. She started crying when I got to daycare, probably because she was tired, overwhelmed, and hungry, and she was super excited to put on her coat, grab her Princess backpack, and wheel that thing on out the door, yelling "bye-bye" to everyone she came across along the way. The daycare people LOVE her and tell me everyday how sweet and wonderful she is, which is truly both a blessing and heartbreaking to hear - heartbreaking in that I selfishly want to soak up that sweetness and wonderfulness all to myself! She jumped in the car with me and was beyond excited that we were going to pick up McDonald's for dinner, and seriously chowed down when we got home - she ate more than I did for dinner, and for someone so tiny I'm always in awe of where she puts it all!!! We lingered over dinner, then headed upstairs for a bath, brushing of teeth, and a quick story before the day was over. That said, I think I spent a total of 2 hours and 20 minutes with my child yesterday, and that TRULY breaks my heart...
RP wasn't so eager to get up and get going this morning, but the good news was that she got to go to Grandma and Papa's which meant only a quick diaper change, teeth brushing, and a Flintstone vitamin before we headed out the door so she got to sleep in a little AND she apparently went right back to bed once I left her with Grandma (Mommy was smart and packed her clothes and just took her in her jammies this morning - she looked so comfortable that I was jealous!). She was crabby and clingy, especially when I went to leave her with Grandma this morning, but as of the last e-mail report I received she was playing happily, and most likely getting spoiled rotten, so all is well.
This working Mom thing is going to take some serious adjustment, but I'm trying, and it helps to know that the people who are caring for my child while I am gone are doing such a fantastic job. I miss her like crazy and cherish each moment with her, probably a little bit more than I did last week just because I don't take them for granted now. That being said, I still need to win that lottery...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Back to work
Yes, the day I have dreaded for three months has come and I am 80% of the way through it - my first day back at work. The day started VERY early, with me rising at 5:15 a.m. to get ready and getting RP up at 5:45. My droopy little baby could barely keep her eyes open, but I discovered that the benefit to rising her so early is that I don't have to chase her around for 15 minutes trying to get her diaper changed and dressed - she pretty much passes out on the diaper pad and let's me take care of business!
We arrived at daycare about 8 minutes early so we drove around until exactly 6:30 at which time my little RP grabbed her Princess backpack and strolled up to the door like a real big girl! This was short-lived, however, in that 2 minutes later she was crying for me to hold her and hanging on for dear life as I told her "bye-bye" and handed her to the Center Director. THAT was the hardest thing I've had to do yet.
In all the commotion I completely forgot about checking her in, so I called about 30 minutes later to do so and heard that after about 5-10 minutes of crying she jumped down and was busy exploring all the other kids and the Preschool room, so all was well. I have fought the urge all day to call again and check, and now am counting down the minutes until I can leave and go scoop up my little Princess.
I really need to win the lottery, because this sucks.... :(
We arrived at daycare about 8 minutes early so we drove around until exactly 6:30 at which time my little RP grabbed her Princess backpack and strolled up to the door like a real big girl! This was short-lived, however, in that 2 minutes later she was crying for me to hold her and hanging on for dear life as I told her "bye-bye" and handed her to the Center Director. THAT was the hardest thing I've had to do yet.
In all the commotion I completely forgot about checking her in, so I called about 30 minutes later to do so and heard that after about 5-10 minutes of crying she jumped down and was busy exploring all the other kids and the Preschool room, so all was well. I have fought the urge all day to call again and check, and now am counting down the minutes until I can leave and go scoop up my little Princess.
I really need to win the lottery, because this sucks.... :(
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Playing catch-up
So, in my defense I have attempted to post once before - I actually spent 45 minutes typing up all the details of RP's 2nd birthday, party planning, and 7 and 8 week milestones at home, only to discover the next day that my post disappeared. Crap. Sigh. Moving on...
As of yesterday RP has been home for 9 glorious weeks, which is awesome. I am in awe of her every day and am still trying to reconcile the spunky little girl in front of me with the angry and withdrawn child I met in St. Petersburg. She has grown 1.25 inches since she has been home and is just shy of 22 pounds. Her hair is growing like crazy and her big brown eyes twinkle when she's giggling, and when she's about to try something she knows she isn't supposed to do (little stinker! :) ). She still isn't on the charts for growth but the doctor keeps telling me she is completely healthy and not to worry - she'll either catch up, or she might just be naturally tiny.
This time is bittersweet for me because 9 weeks home means that I have only one week left of my leave of absence before returning to work - and the thought of doing so is killing me. I am terrified that my little girl has not truly attached to me and that moving her on to daycare twice a week and babysitting with Grandma and Papa three days a week is going to create major attachment and emotional issues as we move forward. I have no basis for this fear other than I think it's a fear that every adoptive parent has, especially international adoptive parents as this is drilled into your head from the very beginning of the process.
Outside of her Mommy's hopefully irrational fears, RP seems to be thriving. She is growing and developing and every day seems to bring forth a new word to her vocabulary, a new task she can complete, or a new discovery she has made. Last weekend we celebrated her adoption, her birthday, and her baptism with a big party for family and friends and she seemed to love being around all the people and the attention they lavished on her, and she had a ball playing with the kids who were here. RP is truly where she belongs - home with her Mommy and family and friends who love her like crazy... and no matter what happens, we'll get through it (although I'm pretty sure I am going to have a harder time with the next transition than she will)... :)
As of yesterday RP has been home for 9 glorious weeks, which is awesome. I am in awe of her every day and am still trying to reconcile the spunky little girl in front of me with the angry and withdrawn child I met in St. Petersburg. She has grown 1.25 inches since she has been home and is just shy of 22 pounds. Her hair is growing like crazy and her big brown eyes twinkle when she's giggling, and when she's about to try something she knows she isn't supposed to do (little stinker! :) ). She still isn't on the charts for growth but the doctor keeps telling me she is completely healthy and not to worry - she'll either catch up, or she might just be naturally tiny.
This time is bittersweet for me because 9 weeks home means that I have only one week left of my leave of absence before returning to work - and the thought of doing so is killing me. I am terrified that my little girl has not truly attached to me and that moving her on to daycare twice a week and babysitting with Grandma and Papa three days a week is going to create major attachment and emotional issues as we move forward. I have no basis for this fear other than I think it's a fear that every adoptive parent has, especially international adoptive parents as this is drilled into your head from the very beginning of the process.
Outside of her Mommy's hopefully irrational fears, RP seems to be thriving. She is growing and developing and every day seems to bring forth a new word to her vocabulary, a new task she can complete, or a new discovery she has made. Last weekend we celebrated her adoption, her birthday, and her baptism with a big party for family and friends and she seemed to love being around all the people and the attention they lavished on her, and she had a ball playing with the kids who were here. RP is truly where she belongs - home with her Mommy and family and friends who love her like crazy... and no matter what happens, we'll get through it (although I'm pretty sure I am going to have a harder time with the next transition than she will)... :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Big day tomorrow
Tomorrow my little RP turns two - Happy Birthday RP!!! I can't believe we are already celebrating her birthday, and am truly excited for what the day holds in store for us. Since the weather is supposed to hold out (another 80+ degree day in Chicago in April - unheard of, but we'll take it!) we are headed to the zoo with Grandma and Papa to celebrate the day. I hope RP enjoys it, as well as the mound of presents that await her (and that's just from me - wait 'til the presents from Grandma and Papa hit that pile - I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a new house!) and her very first DQ ice cream cake (what can I say, she doesn't like regular cake!)!
I can't believe how big she is already getting, and how much she has blossomed since coming home six and a half weeks ago. I am also saddened by the stark reality that children do grow up too quickly, and in three and a half weeks I will be returning to work full-time - what am I going to miss???
Until then, we'll live one day at a time and savor every moment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE RUSSIAN PRINCESS!!!
I can't believe how big she is already getting, and how much she has blossomed since coming home six and a half weeks ago. I am also saddened by the stark reality that children do grow up too quickly, and in three and a half weeks I will be returning to work full-time - what am I going to miss???
Until then, we'll live one day at a time and savor every moment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE RUSSIAN PRINCESS!!!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Six weeks home
Yes, we have officially been home for six weeks as of 30 or so minutes ago. Wow - I can hardly believe it has already been six weeks, or that it has only been six weeks.
Today is a bittersweet day as there is all kinds of ruckus going on in the media because a woman who adopted a seven-year old child from Russia last September had her mother escort him on a flight to Washington, where she then put the child on a plane to Moscow alone. She paid a Russian man $200 to pick this child up from the airport and deliver him to the Ministry of Science and Education, and enclosed a note with the child saying that he had "severe psychological problems" and that she could no longer parent him. As horrifying as that is, there is a real concern that Russia is going to freeze all adoptions to US citizens until the investigation is over and changes to the process are made.
This whole situation makes me sad - sad for the child who has been abandoned all over again, sad for the families who are in the process of completing their adoptions who likely will have to wait even LONGER to bring their children home (if ever - who knows how long this could take), and sad for the orphans who wait for their forever families in the orphanages. It is also terrifying to think that if the timing had not been what it was I could have been caught up in this whole mess and waited even longer for my little RP.
What a difference six weeks makes...
Today is a bittersweet day as there is all kinds of ruckus going on in the media because a woman who adopted a seven-year old child from Russia last September had her mother escort him on a flight to Washington, where she then put the child on a plane to Moscow alone. She paid a Russian man $200 to pick this child up from the airport and deliver him to the Ministry of Science and Education, and enclosed a note with the child saying that he had "severe psychological problems" and that she could no longer parent him. As horrifying as that is, there is a real concern that Russia is going to freeze all adoptions to US citizens until the investigation is over and changes to the process are made.
This whole situation makes me sad - sad for the child who has been abandoned all over again, sad for the families who are in the process of completing their adoptions who likely will have to wait even LONGER to bring their children home (if ever - who knows how long this could take), and sad for the orphans who wait for their forever families in the orphanages. It is also terrifying to think that if the timing had not been what it was I could have been caught up in this whole mess and waited even longer for my little RP.
What a difference six weeks makes...
Monday, April 5, 2010
We've come so far...
We have now been home for over five weeks (five weeks and two days to be exact!) and it continues to be mind-boggling that the little girl I love and adore is the same little girl that I met for the first time in Russia just over four months ago! While she continues to struggle with having Mommy out of her sight, she has blossomed in terms of her temperament and her personality. She LOVES to babble and is picking up more and more words every day (she now says "puppy" and "Buddy" pretty clearly, although "Annie" is a bit tougher to come by - and she tries daily because two of her favorite things to do are call the puppies in from outside and bawl them out for various reasons throughout the day!), and she smiles more and more frequently and more freely, which is a far cry from the scared little girl they put on my lap in that tiny room just a few short months ago!
Easter was so exciting this year because I could see everything through her eyes. Not having celebrated Easter before, she didn't understand about Easter eggs, the process of finding them, or the goodies that an Easter basket holds, but it didn't take her long to figure it out! She LOVED hunting for eggs and popping them open to find treasures inside, and she had an absolute ball running around with her cousins at Grandma and Papa's house. The cutest moment of the day, however, was when she - unprompted and unexpectedly - ran up to her oldest cousin and gave him a HUGE hug, then proceeded to hug all her other cousins, her aunt, her uncle, and her grandparents (hey, wait a minute - she hugged everyone but ME!!! :( ). Hopefully this is a sign that she is opening up and trusting others around her, understanding what family truly is, and it makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it!
I officially notified work today that I will not be back until May 10 - a mere 4 weeks away. Tomorrow we start the hunt for day care to supplement the days that RP will stay with Grandma and Papa, and the thought of leaving her all day to return to work makes my heart hurt. I know she'll be in good hands, but I missed almost two years of her life already - it pains me to miss any more.
Our very first meeting - November, 2009
Five weeks home - April, 2010
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